Dartboards....

I read "P.S. I Love You..." on our vacation last week.  It was a good book, and I won't ruin it for anyone, as it is out in the movies currently.  I enjoyed the ending, because it wasn't the one I had predicted.  The book is about a young woman who lost her husband to a brain tumor, and her learning to live without him.  I bought it on my way home from my brother's funeral.  One thing that bothered me in the book, though, was that several times she expressed regret at the fights they had had, and the terrible things they said to each other in anger.  Also, last week I had a conversation with a good friend who said that in choosing to love this particular man, she knew she had to accept that he would hurt her sometimes.  She didn't mean physically, but emotionally, and she seemed resigned to that fact.  The next day, I saw an episode of "Law and Order" that featured a NYC cop and his wife who had a mutually abusive relationship.  Cursing, saying mean hateful things to each other and physically abusing one another as well.   While I realize that the book and that TV episode are fictional accounts, I think that they and my friend's comments about the guy she loves are a sad statement about what some find acceptable in a married relationship.  We all know married couples who seem like they are verbally sparring all the time.  Slinging verbal darts at each other.  I am not comfortable being around people like that, and while it may "work" for them, I have a hard time understanding what happened between the time they promised to love honor and cherish each other, and now. I do not believe that love means never having to say you are sorry.  Nor do I believe that a marriage license gives you the right to exploit one another's vulnerabilities.  Or make demands.  Or make fun of each other in front of other people.  Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.  Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and your greatest ally, and the one you can trust to make you feel safe.  There is no greater feeling than being secure in growing older with that person.  Than knowing that he/she will love you for better or worse, with makeup, and without.  With or without hair.  When youth and beauty fade, and when life takes unexpected turns, it is comforting to know there is someone taking the same journey with you.  I could not live with someone who didn't feel the same way.  I am so glad I don't have to.........

HELP!!!!!

I wrote an entry last month saying that I was going to start my Christmas projects early this year.  I did order and receive my Christmas cards from Shutterfly before Thanksgiving.  But I cannot seem to open the file which contains my Christmas card address list.  163 names.  I had a paper copy of the same list.  But I cannot find it in all the Christmas clutter.  So, I am compiling a new address file, name by name, and sending cards to people I am receiving cards from.  I have always enjoyed taking the photo, composing the letter, and mailing the cards, I think hearing from old friends is my favorite thing about the season!  But..........one computer is in the process of crashing, and my printer upstairs (attached to this computer) is working, sporadically.  So, I have about 1/2 of my letters printed.  Argh.  If you are reading this and haven't received a card from us by Friday, please email me your address!!!!

In order to bypass some of the craziness this season, I have ordered online, edible gifts to be sent directly to Tim's parents and my mom.  I hoped to avoid the post office, but found myself dumpster-diving this afternoon for boxes to mail gifts to the children of some of the Marines who are in the brig.  This is our CYO Angel Tree project for Christmas.  Do you think it is in bad taste to send toys in  Jack Daniel's or Marlboro cardboard boxes?  So, I will be at the post office some tomorrow, and probably Thursday, as well.

Today I gathered all the stockings up and filled them to be sure I had bought enough of the right stuff for each of the kids.  I found myself cutting open blister packets of some items so that they would fit better in the stockings.  Someone stole my scissors AGAIN (or maybe I left them somewhere....), so I was using an 8 inch long hunting knife which happened to be in the bedroom.  I am lucky I still have all my fingers.  We will take stockings to our mountain vacation, but only a present or two for each of the kids - the big things will be here waiting for them when they get back.  Even since we started limiting the kids' gifts to 3 each from Santa, it still seems like an overwhelming amount of stuff.  I have asked my sister, who sends gifts every year, if we can cut back - I always feel guilty because there are so many of us, and only 4 in her family, and she always buys for everyone.  I don't want Christmas to be about getting for the sake of getting.  Giving is nice, and it is fun, but it becomes less so when there are time and money constraints.  At this time last year, I thought I would like to give everyone (extended family) a "homemade Christmas".  I planned to burn a CD of family favorites - make cookies and sew hats, that sort of thing.  Maybe next year.  Sigh.  I am still finishing up teacher's gifts, which are cookie-mix in a jar.  It will be so good to get all this stuff put away.  I think I've abandoned the idea of actually relaxing before we head to VA.  But maybe then............

The Funeral

I returned last night from Michigan, where I went home for my brother's funeral.  It was wonderful to see the people whose lives he had touched in his 53 years.  My sister who is closest to his age and who shared many of the same friends, wrote a beautiful eulogy, both touching and amusing.  She knew him better than most of us, I think.  As sad as the finality of it all was, it is good to know that he is no longer in pain.  And it was good to see his life remembered with laughter.  Apparently as teenagers, he and some of his friends hoisted a chrome car bumper 50 feet up into the branches of a big oak tree at the park across the street from my mom's house.  I never knew it was there, but they said they used to sit up there and survey the neighborhood.  After the funeral luncheon, they all drove over to the park to view the bumper and my brother John videotaped their conversations and laughter.  I think the whole event from visitation to the funeral mass and their gathering at the base of the tree was handled with dignity and was a celebration of his life, which is a wonderful tribute to Dennis and his family.  I pray now that his wife and his son will continue to remember him with joy and that they will find peace and solace in each other as they go on without him.  Wendy is blessed with a supportive family on both sides, and she is a woman of strength, so I know that in time she will be OK.

It was nice to have this small chunk of time to spend with my mom and the rest of my siblings.  As my own children grow, I am beginning to see traits that some of them share with some of my brothers. It is fun to compare personalities, as they are all so different.  I didn't realize until I was on my way home from the airport, though, how very much I missed my husband and my kids.    They are my HOME.  My family.  Not to minimize any of the relationships we have with our extended families, but it is a great feeling to know that those who are most important to me were here waiting for me when I got home.  I am so blessed.

1 am

Yesterday I got to play grown up for a little while.  My Norwegian neighbor (whose youngest daughter is Colleen's best friend), hosted a birthday luncheon for my French neighbor (who gives Colleen and Megan weekly art lessons),  I had an entire plate of food my kids would never touch, to include caviar, humus, and some other things.  Nothing that resembled a hotdog or chips.  All yummy.  And sherry and coffee to drink, and varied, exotic desserts.  All served on fine china with real silverware.  With no toys in sight.  No blaring teenager music.  No bickering kids.  It was fun.

Here I sit, with my face 6 inches from the computer screen downstairs, on my second awakening of the night.  I've been in with Mick twice because he has woken up crying.  Since his vocabulary is still extremely limited, and there are no signs of physical distress, I am thinking he's having bad dreams.   I have to leap from my bed as quietly as I can at the first noise from him so that the little princess who shares our room doesn't awaken.  Having forgotten to grab my pillow, in a search for something to lay my head on in Mick's bed (his face 3 inches from mine is not conducive to sleep), I found the big stuffed Shrek  in the closet, which Shane has claimed as his "own room", and where he is now sleeping peacefully in the toy box (lid off, of course!).  When the clock downstairs struck 1 am (marked by two chimes, since I messed it up last time I set it and now I have to subtract an hour if I am not looking at it to know what time it is), and I was itching all over because of some ant bites I got when I strung the Christmas lights in the bushes the other night, I decided to come downstairs and take some benadryl.  Descending the stairs, I noticed that the front door was wide open, and every single light was on.  Every one.  Anyone who drives by our house between the hours of 10 pm and 7 am probably thinks we never sleep.  One day we will have to pay for our electricity.  I have got to train these kids better! Molly forgot to do the kitchen cleanup AGAIN.  She and Katie have alternate nights to do this chore.  The kitchen is a wreck, and I could be fixing it, but I think I am going to try and catch some sleep on the couch before the next interruption.  Molly has drill in the morning, and I will undoubtedly hear her combat boots (yes, my daughter wears combat boots) on the stairs around 5:45, at which time I will gently remind her to do the kitchen before she leaves.  I already know it will be a delightful start to my day............

Why didn't I think of that?!

My husband and I had a lunch date in this quaint little town nearby.  After lunch, we visited the local shops.  There was a lot of junk, but some cute things, as well.  Someone is marketing pairs of unmatched socks - called "Miss Match" and on the label, it says, "These socks are not supposed to match".  If you could see my odd sock basket!  Just this morning, I had to send Megan upstairs to change her unmatched socks before school so that people would not think she is an orphan.  Perhaps things are turning around for those of us with big families (or little organizational skills)!  While I would never pay money for a new pair of socks that don't match, maybe my kids can feel like they are in style.............and I can worry less that people will think my kids have a mother that doesn't notice what her kids leave the house wearing! Most days, it's enough for me that they have shoes on........

Random thoughts......

"Happy Birthday Mommy, can you make muffins?"  These were the first words I heard this morning,  from my 5 year old boy with the big brown eyes.  Yes, it is my birthday, and I am 41, but don't feel a day over 40! 

Life is good. 

My brother is actually getting a little better - perhaps I was a bit premature in my last blog entry.  Apparently, he had a visit from Pope John Paul himself, and he has since started receiving the sacraments and his health is improving.  God is good!

I just finished my shopping list of last minute items to get for our Thanksgiving dinner.  Everyone had a chance to submit his/her requests and it is a lot of food.  There should be a lot of leftovers! 

Tonight is our unit Marine Corps Ball.  It is an hour away, in a convention center.  We are providing babysitting onsite and my oldest daughter, her friend, and three other girls/women will be doing the babysitting for about 35 kids ages 12 months up, while Molly and Jack will be at the hotel watching the rest of our kids.  I hope all goes smoothly.  I am bringing assorted toys and movies for them to watch.  Beyond that, I'd like to say the rest is up to those in charge, but I'll have to restrain myself from going up and checking on the babysitters.  Since this is likely the one and only time Tim will have his own unit ball, I really want to enjoy it with him and the Marines and their spouses. 

To tie the last two paragraphs together, I recently purchased some "wonderwear".  They are called Spanx, and they are supposed to pull you all together, from upper waist to mid-thigh, to give the illusion of firmness and fitness, with no visible underwear lines or muffin top.  I will wear them tonight under my ball gown.  Every time I put them on (which is best done in the bathroom, away from the mirror, with the door locked), I can't help but think this is what it must be like to work in a sausage factory.  Stuffing 30 extra pounds into spandex is the only sausage stuffing we'll have this holiday!  But I will be making a bag of Pepperidge Farm bread stuffing for my husband........

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dennis

My brother is dying. 

He is in a hospital in Michigan.  We are all praying for him, and his family.  He is 13 years older than I am, and we were never really close – not because of anything my parents did or didn’t do, but because our age difference left us with little in common, and by the time I was a teenager, he had been out on his own for quite some time.  I do remember him calling the zoo and telling them to pick me up once when my parents weren't home, and he was in charge, I guess.  He also tied me to a tree once.  And gave me swirlies pretty regularly.   He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had surgery last year.  He called me one evening, a few months ago, and we had a nice chat.  I think it was the very first time he has ever called me on the phone.  He said he was looking at pictures from a vacation we all took together a few years ago, and he was remembering how much fun we all had.    I wonder now if he was trying to connect, and in some way, to say goodbye.  It is hard being so far away, because I cannot see him, or do anything to help him or his family.  He is married and has one son, who is almost 12.   Soon, my mother will lose a child.  A wife will lose her husband, and a son will lose his father.  6 of us will lose a brother.       

My family has always had a realistic view of death.  Some might call it morbid - my dad and one of my brothers have photos ofrelatives in their coffins.  I myself don't feel the need to take such mementos, but, death is a part of life.  My dad had a “Death list” on his bedroom wall for years.  Every time someone he knew died, he would add that person’s name and the date of death to the list,.  He had his own name written at the bottom.  Kind of creepy, but you had to know my dad -  If you believe as we do, that there is a Heaven, and those that lead a good life will receive their reward, then death is just a step towards a better life, so-to-speak.  I think of my dad at every mass, though, because he told us several times not to stop praying for him after he was gone, that he would always need our prayers.  I can say that I believe he is in heaven, because I still talk to him sometimes (although I try to keep these conversations in my head), and I have had signs that he has heard me.  It gives me comfort to know that he is still watching out for me.  And I feel like he knows my kids – even the ones that were born after he died – I like to think he picked them out just for us!  I remember after he died, my mom said that he can do more for us now than he could when he was living.   This is a comforting thought.

But….. faith is for the ones left behind.  I am a wife.  I cannot imagine the pain of losing my husband, my soul mate, my best friend.  Nor can I imagine losing a child, no matter how old that child happened to be when he/she died.  The thought of my nephew losing his dad is heartbreaking.   And, I wonder if it makes him more afraid because his mom is all he will have left.   My greatest prayer is that my brother will go peacefully, and without much pain,  and that my sister-in-law and my nephew will find the faith to accept God’s plan, and the strength to carry on.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

The Beauty of Being 40

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” -- Audrey Hepburn

I love this quote.  I am beginning to appreciate my age.  I never had that mid-life crisis (at least not yet), or depression about hitting 40.  In fact, there are a lot of things that are great about being where I am in life.  I feel like I am freer to be myself, because as the years go by, I care less about what other people think.  I wore a costume to our party last night.  I realized when I came home that my hair was a mess from taking my hood on and off all night, and that I hadn't freshened my makeup before the party, and that the costume wasn't exactly the most flattering outfit (I made a monkey costume out of a sweat suit).  There were lots of people there that I had never met.  There were probably a few who thought the CO's wife should be more dignified, or something.  But........I DON'T CARE!  I am who I am.  I have a great husband who loves me (and doesn't let on if I am embarrassing him).  And, I love to embarrass my kids!  While there are some things I would probably change about myself physically if money were no object, I am eating right, and I feel good.  I need to step up the exercise, and I know that would help increase my weight loss, but I am losing, so I am moving in the right direction.  Many years ago, I would be stressing about getting the perfect dress for the Marine Corps Ball (we have two to attend this year), but I haven't thought about it much, and it doesn't bother me to wear something I've worn before.  I sometimes wish I could impart this peace to my teenagers, who have drama nearly every day about friends, or their bodies, or their hair, or what to wear.  I remember feeling the same way and it is nice to be past all that.  Of course, I am not really past it because I have to play my part in helping them to resolve some of these issues.  The ones they want help with, at least!  I suppose life experience helps you to sort out the things that matter most, and those that just aren't worth worrying about.   40 is not so bad........

 

A Good Day

Today I was the mom I wish I could be every day. It's a good feeling. My house is clean (thanks to the cleaning ladies!), my laundry is almost caught up, the kids and I went to Tae Kwon Do tonight and spent some quality time getting exercise and learning a life skill. My high-schoolers are celebrating Spirit Week, and my oldest daughter and her friend decided to go as Lucy and Ethel for character day tomorrow. I live for this stuff! I rag-rolled both of their hair tonight, and they bought dresses and fake pearls to wear. I bought them fake eyelashes and bright red lipstick. They are clearly excited, and it is so refreshing to see the sunny side of the teen years sometimes!

Tomorrow my 3rd daughter turns 10. A big birthday for a military kid - she'll get her own ID card. I made 90 monster fingers (pretzel sticks dipped in white -for mummy, green for Frankenstein, and brown for werewolf) for her to take to school tomorrow in lieu of cupcakes.

Tomorrow night we are having a hail and farewell for officers and Staff NCOs. There will be about 100 adults and 70 kids in attendance. I am glad we changed the location from our home to the lodge by the base stables, especially since it is supposed to rain. I have planned activities and games for the kids, and I will be making two kinds of chili and hot dogs. Everyone else will bring food to contribute.

Timmy wrote an autobiography this week in which he had to describe his family. It was interesting to see what he has to say about everyone. He said, "My mom seems to be happy all the time". I was glad to read that. I am happy more often than not, but I do have my moments! I know that the key to happiness is being calm, and trying to stay on top of things. Flying by the seat of my pants is not working so well for me these days! Thank goodness my husband is home!

I know that after Halloween, the rest of the year will likely fly by. I am determined to be more organized in regard to holiday activities, and I plan to get a jump start on my Christmas projects soon! I know that I am not such a happy mom when I am stressed out! We will be renting a cottage in the Shenandoah mountains for Christmas week. My dream is to have a simple Christmas - one where we spend the evenings watching Christmas classic movies, playing board games, drinking hot chocolate, and just enjoying each other's company. The kids are growing up so fast - and with my oldest graduating from high school in 2008, I am not sure how many full family opportunities we have left to get away. And it is sad that we have to get away from home, away from computers and cell phones, so that we can have our kids to ourselves! And so that they can have our undivided attention as well. I am looking forward to it!

My head is too small for all of these hats......

My husband's battalion is in a period of transition.  We are losing one battery and gaining another, and our last one deployed will be back in a week or so.  Lots of moving parts!  Our Key Volunteer Coordinator, who has 12 years of KVC experience, is gone, since her husband moved up to Regiment.  She was wonderful (still is, we have a lunch date tomorrow), and I miss her!  Until we can get someone else to take her place, I am the acting KVC and Key Volunteer Advisor. As well as the battalion officer's wives' representative.  I have information I have to pass on to the other wives in the battalion.  Some of it is the same info, some of it applies to only one of the groups.  I am trying to be sure everyone is included and getting the right information.  We are planning a Hail and Farewell here on October 26th, to say goodbye to the officers and staff NCOs we are losing, and to welcome the new joins.  I have absolutely  no idea how many people we are talking about, but we are making it a family event, so there will be lots of kids, as well.  I hope it doesn't rain!

I am also the Thursday parent volunteer in my son's class, A bi-weekly CYO leader, and daily cook, chauffeur,housekeeper and homework helper.  And the night nurse when someone is up all night coughing.  And the emergency contact person when someone forgets to bring something to school.  Sometimes I feel like everyone wants a piece of me.

What do I want?  A nap would be nice..............

For Kiley

Your sister says you are spoiled.

Your Daddy says you don't like him because you cry when I leave you with him.

Your brother is the first to pick you up if I am not available, and will carry you around to make you happy.

You light up when you see me, and you kick your feet and your whole body responds with joy.  As you smile and reach for me, I know I am the lucky one! 

Sometimes that means that an entire morning goes by, and I haven't accomplished much around the house.  Sometimes I get frustrated because all you want is to be held and talked to, and there is always so much other stuff that I need to get done.  I had a light bulb moment  as I sat up in the wee hours this morning, holding you as you slept, because you awoke each time I tried to put you back in your crib, I felt a wonderful sense of peace.  You tucked your fuzzy head under my chin, and I could feel your deep, even breathing.  And I thanked God for blessing me once again with another human miracle.

One day, you will skin you knee.

One day, you will struggle with math.

One day, some boy will break your heart.

One day, I'll be up all night wondering where you are and if you are OK.

One day, you will assert your independence.

One day, you won't need me anymore.

For today, I will be thankful that I am the only one you need.

I love you, my sweet, sweet baby.

Competition

As you can imagine, living in house with so many people, there is always competition between family members.  This morning, my oldest was holding my youngest daughter, who was reaching for me, and my oldest said, "I was the prettiest baby, wasn't I?"  I said to her, "You were definitely the easiest baby!" and she was.  She didn't cry much, was content to play by herself, and ate and slept and did all baby things with ease.  She was an ideal baby.  Of course, after this interchange, the others who were also in the room at the time wanted to know what kind of babies/toddlers they were.  Megan was into everything.  I described her as the "most mischeivous".  Shane was content being the "drooliest baby".  When Colleen asked what she was, everyone said at the same time, "You were the fattest".   And she was.  We used to call her "Fatty McFatfat".  This did not make her happy, and she ran out of the room, close to tears, so I went to her and told her that, since she was my only breech-baby, she was closest to my heart before she was born.  That seemed to satisfy her, and she gave me several hugs after that so that she could hear my heart beating.  SAVED!..........until the rest of them come home from school, and Colleen tells them she was closest to my heart, and they all want to know what was most unique about each of them.  I guess I should start preparing.......................

Miss Alice

Ms Alice works in the nursery at the childcare center Kiley goes to.  She’s been there for 18 years, and so she has taken care of most of my kids at one time or another, during the three times we’ve been stationed here.  She is a wonderful, Southern black lady.  If you’ve ever been in the South, you probably know what I mean.  She is funny without trying to be funny.  She is in her early 60’s, but has recently lost 60lbs, partially due to having an abdominal tumor removed, and also with the help of Weight Watchers.  She looks about 20 years younger, and says she feels great.  Anyhow, we were talking last week about the WW plan, and she told me that she has been doing it on her own for a couple of months now.  She said she had a few weeks at a plateau – continuing to eat right, but not losing any weight.  She told me that she ran into a WW leader at Walmart and told her, “I ain’t doin’ nothin’ different, but I ain’t losin no weight!”.  Miss Alice told me that the leader’s response was, “Miss Alice, ain’t nothin’ wrong with you, you jist need to make a poop!”.  So, she “bought me some of them apple- cinnamon fiber wafers, and made me a poop, and, Miz Pahkah, danged if I didn’t lose 3 pounds!”   

 

The new catch phrase around here is, “Ain’t nothing wrong with you……..you jist need to make a poop!”   And we have a cabinet full of fiber wafers……

 

When I returned to pick Kiley up that same day, Miss Alice told me that Kiley didn’t want her bottle, and that she was pulling at Miss Alice’s shirt.  Miss Alice told me that she said to Kiley, “Princess, I cain’t help you none, Miss Alice is dry as a butter bean!”

 

I love me my Miss Alice………

Gossip

 

"There is so much that is good in the worst of us, and bad in the best of us, that it doesn't behoove any of us to talk about the rest of us."

 

This is a quote from Heartthrobs, an old book my mom gave to me, and the title is "Charity".  The author is unknown.

 

Gossip hurts.  Some people take way too much pleasure in knowing everyone else's business, and sharing it with anyone who will listen.  People forget that there are often more than two sides to a story.  Many people who gossip don't even have anything to do with the story - they are just bystanders with their own take on things. 

 

What is sad is when you see friendships ruined, or relationships torn apart.  Sometimes things go on for so long that the original point of contention has been long forgotten. All parties fuel their resentment with gossip from everyone else, often trying to validate their feelings.Relationships fall to the wayside. Often, only because people have been careless with their words. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, or if tomorrow will even come!  If people could only recognize their own and one another's weaknesses, and exchange pardon for being human, I think people would find that they aren't so alone, after all!

 

My mother-in-law was once describing to me a lady she knew.  She told me that this woman, "Never had an unkind word to say about anyone".  That is a great compliment.  If people are going to talk about me, that's what I want them to say!

 

I have often been accused of being "too nice".  I am proud that I am nice.  Yes, sometimes that means that I get taken advantage of - such as in the case of the un housebroken dogs staying here not once, but twice!  Now that my husband is home, that won't happen again.  Which isn't to say he isn't nice, but things are more balanced around here when he's home!!!  I do believe you cannot be too nice -too rich? too thin, yes- but not too nice. 

 

Table talk

We will be due for orders next summer.  Which means that after 5 years in this house, we will be moving once again.   This is the longest we've been in any home, and we've accumulated nearly 5 years of 11 people's stuff.  I am beginning to realize that it is a common phenomenon that when military members return from a deployment, they think that "if it doesn't fit in a sea bag, you don't need it".   I promised my husband that I will start pitching stuff each week, in preparation for our move - so that we don't end up in the next place with a lot of stuff we don't need or use.  It's a great plan.  I am almost ready to give away the box of size 7/8 jeans that have been in the attic since we moved in.  I have boxes of sewing stuff - patterns, fabric, notions, etc, that I never have time to use.  I love to sew!  We have orange life vests in the garage.  We don't own a boat.  So much of it is just plain junk.  Once the weather cools down a bit, I'll be able to get up into the garage and start pulling stuff out for Goodwill or the trash.

Our current issue involves tables.  In March I ordered a dining room set from Amishtables.com.  This table is 6 feet long, with 4 leaves, solid oak.  It is beautiful, but during shipment, the top was gouged.  The company said they wouldn't be able to repair it to like-new condition, so they ordered a new one to be built, which will be delivered today.  They won't send the old table back, so now we'll have two tables, both the same size.  I would like to keep the scratched one (the damage is in the middle, and can be covered up by a centerpiece), in the event that we might own a house one day, and have a breakfast room where we can put it up, without the leaves in it.  Then we can have the other table set up in our dining room.  Problem is, in this house, we have no place to put two tables.  I suggested that we don't assemble the new table, but store it under our bed till we move, but my husband thinks we should just sell the other one to someone (we have friends who have expressed interest).  This is one of those things that I don't want to look back on someday and say "We should have kept both tables".  But, practically speaking, it makes more sense to sell it someone who can use it, than to keep it "just in case".  He'll probably win this one.....

Boys and Girls

Things I wouldn't know if I didn't have boys and girls........

Barbie would rather hang out with GI Joe than with Ken

You can never have too many pony tail holders/hair clips, hairbrushes, or white socks

Boys are closer to their moms than girls are

Boys are more sensitive than girls

Girls are moody!

Boys cannot keep their hands off of each other

 

 

Parenthood is not a popularity contest....

So here I sit, on the first morning that my husband is back to work for a regular day.  Actully, his block leave period is supposed to start today, and he could officially be off from work and home every day for the next two weeks.  But, he just can't seem to stay away from the office.  I am trying not to take that personally!!!

Anyhow, the kids are in school, my preschooler will be home in an hour, and the baby is sleeping.  I've just rotated a load of laundry and put clothes away.  I should be on the treadmill or elliptical trainer.  But here I sit.  Avoiding exercise while contemplating life...

In the last two weeks, I have made the oldest girls responsible for their own laundry.  I should have done this a long time ago, since they are and have been fully capable of doing so for awhile now.  Alas, being capable of doing something, and actually doing it on a regular basis are two different things.  (See the exercise reference above)  I know my mom will read this and be amused, since their room, the floor strewn with cast-off clothing, looks a whole lot like mine did when I was a teenager.  I could go in there and probably get their stuff done in three loads, before they come home from school.  After all, I don't even have to lug laundry up and down the stairs like my mom still does.  I often struggle between being the "nice mom" who does as much as she can to make her kids' lives easier and more enjoyable, and the "mean mom" who teaches her kids responsibility by teaching them to do for themselves.  One of the reasons I have turned this over to them is that  it makes me crazy to find clothes that are still folded, or new clothes, with tags on, in with the dirty laundry.  I hate the thought of my daughters going to a tennis match, or to ROTC drill with dirty uniforms on.  But, apparently, that bothers me more than it does them!  They are still adjusting to this new responsibility.  And, I expect, waiting to see if I'll pick up the slack.  But, I must stand firm! 

My 15 year old got a new bike for her birthday.  I drove her to school at 6:30 almost every morning last year for ROTC.  Her previous bike had been run over because she left it in the driveway, after repeatedly being told not to do so.  School is a bit too far to walk to so early in the morning, but we resisted replacing her bike because she didn't take care of the other one.  Which meant I was driving her.  So, when she got her bike this year, I told her that she needed to start riding it to ROTC when the time came.  She started ROTC last week, and rode her bike once.  My husband drove her the other days, some because it was raining.  Today, (sunny, 60* this morning), she asked me to drive her, and I told her that we had an agreement and that she needed to honor it by riding her bike (I'd drive her in the rain, I'm not totally heartless!)  She got mad, and told me that she'd rather get in trouble for missing drill, and take the bus, than ride her bike.  She stalled for a few minutes (to see if I would change my mind), then took off on her bike.  My new mantra is :  "They may not like me now, but they'll thank me later". 

We'll see............

Daddy's Home!

                                              

My husband and his Marines got back at 9:30 yesterday morning.  Even though everyone I spoke to before said there was no way they would be here on base before 10:00, or ready to  go home before 11:00.  These things are notoriously "hurry up and wait" events.  He had told me that his plan was to get everyone released by 9 am.  He called me at 8:20 and said they were an hour away.  I barely had enough time to get myself ready and up to the cp before the buses arrived!  His welcome home banner said "Our Hero is Home", so I had to hang that before I left too!  He asked me why I didn't believe him when he said they'd be back so early.  I had to admit that I believed everyone else, and being that I am a procrastinator, I of course wanted to believe I had more time!  Next time I will take him at his word.  That's why he gets to be the boss...........I could certainly learn some efficiency lessons from him.

He has re-programmed all the radio stations in the van, and is at the barbershop with the boys.  All is right with our world!

 

 

 

Water water everywhere, and so much stuff to sink....

An ipod in a glass of water

A trophy - and a few other assorted items that were on Molly's desk - in the fishbowl

Shoes in the bathtub

Toothbrushes and toys in the toilet

A cell phone in the pool

This kid keeps me busy!  I took Mick to the Dr today for a cervical spine X-ray to determine if he has atlanto-axial instability, which can affect people with Down Syndrome.  I am hoping he does not have it, because I'd like him to start taking therapeutic horseback riding on Wednesdays, which will be his day off from school every week.  He would probably be happy if I just parked him in front of a mirror (or any reflective surface - the van's chrome bumper is another favorite).  He loves to shadow dance, and will dance to any music, including the ringer on my cell phone.  What a great kid.  Easily amused.  But, I've added "plumber" to my list of career wishes for my kids!  It would also be nice to have a Dr, an orthodontist, a priest or nun, and maybe a lawyer (hope we'll never need one!) in the bunch.  I can dream....

The Tooth Fairy......

I am the world's worst tooth-fairy.  I am pretty sure I've forgotten more teeth than I've remembered.  I have a special computer font I've picked out to write apologies from the tooth fairy.  Colleen lost a front tooth this morning.  She's been working on it since, in a moment of extreme affection, (!) Shane accidentally loosened it for her a couple of weeks ago.  Colleen was starting to think it would never come out, and I suggested that maybe it was waiting for Daddy to come home (less than a week!).  Anyhow, it came out this afternoon.  She has two different, special, pretty tooth fairy boxes.  Somewhere.  She put it in a blue shiny cardboard jewelry sized gift box that was left over from Christmas.  I asked her where she planned to put it in case "I need to draw the tooth fairy a map"  - the t.f.'s most common excuse for a no-show has been that she couldn't find the tooth .......(her excuse, not mine, I just plain forget.....).  Anyhow, she told me that she would put it on her dresser.  Then she brought it downstairs to show me how bloody it was.  We had a discussion about the size of the tooth fairy, and Colleen's conclusion was that she must be at least 5 inches tall or she wouldn't be able to carry quarters.  She cleaned the tooth off and put it back in the box and, I noticed that Colleen left the box on the side table in the living room.  After she'd been asleep for an hour, I went downstairs to retrieve the tooth and leave a deposit ( $1 in this house is the going rate - we've got a lot of teeth!).  The box WAS NOT THERE.  Nor was it on her dresser.  She and Megan share a full-sized loft bed, and I reached under the nearest pillow, hoping that Colleen hadn't chosen the wall-side, and that whoever's head was on that pillow would remain asleep.  Fortunately, the box was within reach, and I was able to pull it out.  However, the tooth fell out of the box and onto the floor.  Even though I couldn't find it, I can be almost certain that Colleen will step on it in the morning and her illusions will all be shattered.  Maybe I should start composing another tooth fairy note.....

As I mentioned, my husband will be home soon.  I told the kids that they got Labor Day off from school so they could help get the house ready for Daddy's homecoming.  They were all about making yellow ribbons, and signs.  Not so eager for the "labor" part of the day.  Around 11, Colleen said to me, "Mommy, I do NOT think Labor Day is for cleaning the house!". 

No Room at the Inn

Today is Mick's birthday.  It's hard to believe that he is 4 already! 

My friend Amy is in town for the weekend.  She came down to visit and to help me get things ready for Tim's return.  At the moment, she is at another friend's house.  Megan's friend is also staying for the weekend while her mom and sisters are driving her brother to college in Alabama.  With Megan's friend came my two favorite (not) dogs.  Just when the dog smell had started to dissipate......  Katie asked me if her friend could spend the night as well.  Sure, if they want to sleep in the van in the driveway!  Come to think of it, they've slept on the trampoline in the backyard a few times.  Sheesh.    I need a bigger house! 

Gotta go fix up the couch for Amy.............

Saint Anthony

I have St Anthony on speed dial.   I lose things all the time.  So do my kids.  It doesn't help that Mick displaces many items.  We've found numerous objects in the air conditioning vents - Barbies, dog food, a cell phone, cd's, etc.    I once found a plastic lizard in the computer's floppy drive.  And, a sock was jamming the printer cartridges another time.  Not to mention the toothbrushes (3 to date) and the rubber shark they've removed from my toilets.   We have our kitchen trash can on a stool so Mick can't reach it, because he also likes to throw things in a trash, which is a good thing, unless it is Kiley's blanket or her shot record (the trash can in the Dr's office is not up high).  I am pretty sure that St Anthony and Mick's guardian angel are well acquainted by now.   

Shane started looking for his sneakers at 7:15 this morning.  The bus comes at 8:10.  At 8:07, he was putting his cowboy boots on , which he loves, but they are 2 sizes too big, and don't look or feel so great with shorts.  At 8:09, I saw his daily schedule and realized he has P.E. today, and wouldn't be able to participate with boots on.  At 8:09:23, I was pleading with St Anthony to cut me a break and lead me to his shoes.  I came upon Mick in the bathroom, (which is his favorite place to be except when he has to go..., but that is a blog for another time!).  I moved the stool to the sink so that he could wash his hands, because I was sure they needed washing since the Groovy Girl doll he was holding was sopping wet.  When I moved the stool - there were Shane's shoes!!!!!!!  Following a rousing chorus of "THANK YOU ST ANTHONY!" Shane ran out the door and made it to the bus stop just as the kids started getting on.

If we hadn't gone with the Irish theme when naming our kids, I am sure it would have been fitting to name a son Anthony considering how many times we've asked him for help!  I bought a  print of St Anthony awhile back with the intention of creating  a small shrine to him in my house- or at least a shelf with a statue, the print and maybe a votive candle on it to light when it's a particularly important or expensive item that is lost!  Think I'll be creating that shrine after I find the print.......

Back to School....

My goodness,  we had a frenzied day today.  Some of the kids needed shots for school, and what better day to take them, than the day before school starts? ! Then we went shopping for school.  I spent almost $400 at Walmart, mostly on school supplies, and that wasn't counting the four backpacks I bought a couple of weeks ago, or the supplies I had already bought when Walmart and Staples had their big sales.  Yikes.  Maybe home schooling would be cheaper.  Then again, I am not sure I can put a price on my sanity!  I was looking forward to breakfast with a friend in the morning, after the bus leaves, but then I realized today that Mick doesn't start preschool till September 6th.   If I can't get him into the drop in daycare in the morning, we will have breakfast at IHOP.  Otherwise, it will be Cracker Barrel.  I do look forward to a little quiet time during the day.  And I definitely have some housekeeping to catch up on!  It will be nice to clean the floors and have them stay clean for a few hours...........

We went to the middle school orientation today, and Timmy met his teachers.  They are the same team of teachers that Jack had in 6th grade.  I was able to speak to each of them individually and tell then a little bit about Timmy.  I asked them to please be sure to contact me if they have any concerns about him.  I do worry that he isn't ready, academically, or socially for middle school.  He has diagnosed learning difficulties, as well as ADHD, and so far, I think his teachers have not expected from him as much as he is capable of doing.  And, like many kids, he will do just the bare minimum that is required to get by.  Which is a shame, because he really is quite bright, just has a hard time getting what he knows onto paper.  He is my heart.  When I see him struggle, it almost hurts me physically.  I have done a lot of reading about ADHD.  It is a very real disorder, and affects people who have it differently.  I hope that his teachers will push him this year.  I hope that he will be able to handle his frustration when things get difficult.  I hope I will be able to help him with his homework!!!  And, I hope he and Jack will be there to help one another with the social aspects of school.  I could tell that Jack enjoyed showing Timmy around the school today.   They will ride the bus together, but probably won't see each other much during the school day.  It is always my hope that my kids will stick together if/when things get rough.  At least I know that if there are bullying problems on the bus this year, one of them will tell me about it!  But, it's a new year, and a fresh start, and here's hoping it will be a good one for all........

 

Argh....

We've had a large turnover on the block this summer.  My next-door-neighbor and I are hosting an in-the-yard block party tomorrow, so that all of the neighbors can get acquainted, and the kids can meet each other before school starts. This weekend I also have two extra teenagers staying here (Katie's friend and her sister), and 2 extra dogs.  Molly's friend's family asked if she could go camping in Ohio with them.  Then asked if I could watch their pugs while they are gone.  These dogs are cute, (in an ugly sort of way) and very energetic.  Shane is loving having them here.  When they dropped the dogs off, Molly's friend's dad told me that the male is "completely housebroken", but that Scarlet, the four month old puppy, "will go anywhere except outside".  I thought he was joking.  Apparently, the only thing he was joking about was the male dog, Brutus being housebroken, since he has marked his territory in the house at every opportunity.  Scarlet will go outside, run around, then come in and immediately let loose on the floor.   I now have them confined to the back hall (which has tile flooring).  They don't like it much.  I don't like that now my house smells of dog.  Which isn't at all the impression I want to make to our new neighbors who may have to come in and use the bathroom tomorrow. And I am praying that it won't rain and force the party INSIDE !!!!  Ugh.

Playground equipment...

Two sentences a parent ALWAYS needs to take seriously :

"I feel sick"  and "I have to go to the bathroom!"

I took Katie to tennis camp this morning.  It was a good distance away, near a playground, so Colleen, Megan and Shane went with me.  They had a great time on "the spinny metal thing".  As I was pushing them, I thought how sad it is that my kids haven't had the pleasure of living near a merry-go-round.  Not a carousel, but the "burn your bare legs in the summer heat, and hang your head over the edge till your hair touches the sand, and spin till you are so dizzy you can't stand straight, and hang on with your legs out and pretend you are Superman"  merry-go-round.  They've also missed out on the precariously high metal (again, burning in the sun) slides that go extra fast when you ride down sitting on waxed paper.  I remember we would flip over the tops of those slides (about 20ft high, I'd say) before we slid down.  My heart is in my throat even picturing one of my kids doing the same!  But, I digress..........  Colleen got off saying she felt sick (she was a little green), and sat with me on a bench.  Then Shane got off, walked a few feet, and threw up in the sand.  And, threw up a few more times on the 35 minute ride home.  Do you think they were sick because they haven't had 5 and 7 years of experience on the playground equipment we grew up playing on?

I guess I will never know.........

Priorities

I banned TV for the day after my kids were fighting (for the 35 millionth time) over what to watch.  It's been almost too hot to play outside, and they'd spend all day in front of the TV if I let them.  My 7 year old asked me if she could read Junie B. Jones after dinner, and I said, "Of course!".  Well, I had a meeting to go to from 7-9, and she came knocking on my door as I was getting ready.  When she saw that I had changed my clothes, her face fell, and, even though I had been telling all the kids, all day, that I would be going to this meeting, apparently she forgot, and there she was, book in hand, ready to read TO ME.   She crumpled, buried her face in a pillow and sobbed that I was going out.  Mind you, I don't go out a lot, and usually only when there is something that I really need to go to.  She also doesn't cry at the drop of a hat, so of course I felt horrible.  I promised her we would read when I got home, (even though it would officially be past her bedtime by then).  As I was leaving, Mick started crying, too, and I was so tempted to reconnect the cable and turn the TV on so they'd have something else to focus on, other than their mother abandoning them!!!!  As I was driving to the meeting, my 15 year old passed me on her bike, returning from a friend's house.  She waved happily, and as I caught sight of her in the rear view mirror, I couldn't help but wonder where the time has gone since she used to want to read with me!  They do grow so fast.  Anyhow, I came home at 9, put on pjs, and Colleen and I curled up in my bed so that she could read to me.  3 minutes passed and there was a knock on the door.  It was Shane, who wanted to listen too.  1 more minute passed.....knock, knock, it was Megan, wanting to join in.  2 minutes later, Timmy was at the door, wanting to know if we were having a party in here.  By this time, my bed looked like Charlie's grandparents' bed in Willy Wonka - 3 at the head of the bed, and two at the foot of the bed.  Colleen was getting frustrated at each new arrival, and interruption.  We've been sporadically reading  "Mrs Pigglewiggle", so I took over the reading, and we read a chapter about a boy who had trouble sharing.  I would love to have a Mrs Pigglewiggle of my own to go to for advice on child-rearing!  All the noise woke Kiley up, and she ended up in bed with us.  I really think she just likes to be included in things.  After that chapter, Colleen said she was tired, and we all said prayers and they went to bed.  Kiley fell asleep with no trouble, too!  Reading to your children is heavily stressed in the schools.  My kids are strong readers, so far.  Colleen is getting there.  But I can't take the credit, I don't read to them nearly enough (I barely have time to finish a magazine in one sitting myself!).  I am glad we read tonight.  I had intended to call an old, dear friend tonight, who I got an email from today.  Mary, if you read this, I hope you will forgive me, and I will call tomorrow so we can catch up!  I know that when I take a little extra time with my kids, we are all better for it.  Makes me realize how little it takes to make them happy.  That's something I need to remember.............

silverware....

We had our monthly parish council meeting at the O'club this morning.  It was a breakfast meeting, and we were one by one, serving ourselves from the buffet.  Our table had not been set with silverware, and as sat down with my plate, our parish priest turned to me and asked, "Do you need weapons?"  I laughed, and said he must have been looking through my window at mealtime, and he said, "Hey, I'm from a big family, too!"

The advance party (about 35 Marines) arrived from Iraq this evening.  It was great to see the families reunited with their Marines.  I look forward to our turn in a few weeks, when the main body gets back.  There will be a lot more people at that event.  Pretty sure I won't have too much trouble finding the one who belongs to me, though!  I can't wait....

So very hot....

Wow, it's hot today.  The maintenance man who came to fix my a/c this afternoon said it was 110* outside.  Hotter in Iraq, I'm sure.  We've been suffering silently (some more silently than others) for the last couple of days, because I haven't been home for a long enough stretch of time to be here to let the maintenance guys in.  So they came today.  First, they took the 20 lb bag of dog food (for the 13 lb dog) off of the vent in the kitchen.  Then they took a plastic bag out of the vent in the downstairs bathroom.  (MICK!) .  Then they removed the backpack that was on the vent in the hallway, and turned the switch upstairs off of fan, and back onto auto.  Viola!  It is no longer hot in here!  One of these days, they are going to start charging me for house calls...........

Something to think about.....

 

Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a church in Houston, Texas. Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, 'You'd better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it.' Then he thought, 'Oh, forget it, it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from God' and keep quiet.' When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, 'Here, you gave me too much change.' The driver, with a smile, replied, 'Aren't you the new preacher in town? I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I'll see you at church on Sunday.' When the preacher stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, 'Oh God, I almost sold your Son for a quarter.' Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read. This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as Christians and will put us to the test! Always be on guard and remember that you carry the name of Christ on your shoulders when you call yourself 'Christian.' Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder.

Life in a Fishbowl...

I love living on a Marine Corps base. I have some great neighbors. But, we live in a fishbowl. With such a large family, it is not easy to always portray our lives as perfect. In fact, our imperfections are often glaringly obvious to all! No, my kids aren't angels (but they aren't devils or hellions, either!). No, my lawn is not perfectly manicured at all times, and yes, sometimes I go to the bus stop in my pajamas! Sometimes the kids will run into the front yard and dog-pile on one another, and inevitably, someone will get hurt and there will be tears and wailing. On occasion, you may be able to hear my two teenaged daughters engaged in a shouting match. My dog roams freely, even though she isn't supposed to, and I am sure she has pooped in another yard time and again. If we are aware of it, we are sure to pick it up, and wouldn't be at all offended if a neighbor called us on it. She likes to be outside with the kids. Always has. With the revolving door in this house, it is next to impossible to keep her inside, or leash her before she gets out, because she is quick. A child or two may talk with food in his or her mouth, or forget to use a napkin at dinner in the O'Club. There are often dishes in my sink, and my floors are not so clean that you could eat off of them! We are working on these things!

For the most part, I am comfortable here. Most people who know us seem to accept us, and our kids, and like in any military community, we all help each other out, whether that means picking up a gallon of milk at the commissary, getting kids off the bus, etc. My friends and neighbors were fabulous when Kiley was born. However, I am aware that there are those who have preconceived notions about large families. They couldn't imagine having so many children themselves, so they don't think anyone else should, either! And, that's OK. Until they make a point of telling us and everyone else, at every social gathering, that we are crazy to have so many kids, and God Forbid we should have any more! They always treat the subject like it's a big joke, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "Yes, well, too bad it's not up to you!" You can be sure that it is stressful to live around such people because, as I said before, keeping up the facade of perfection is HARD work. Ha. I don't think anyone ever thought we were perfect. But, I can tell you that when things are particularly difficult, or trying, or I am tired, or feeling overwhelmed, those are the LAST people I will confide in. I have no desire to be the topic of speculation and conversation at the next social gathering, or to fuel their negative opinions about us. Nor do I want to feel like I must constantly defend my choices (yes, I had a choice! I chose to be open to God's will) I learned a long time ago, that people will draw their own conclusions, sometimes regardless of what we say or do. Which brings me to a quote I often repeat to myself: "The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter." I am so incredibly grateful for the friends I have who accept us (all of us) the way we are. Who don't stand in judgement or feel the need to tell us what we are doing wrong, or act like they are in a huge hurry to get away from the noise and activity that is our life. I am glad that I have other friends who also have lots of kids, and with whom I can share many of the joys and struggles. I am especially glad that my own parents, who were 46 and 48, when I was born, gave me life and welcomed me into their already big family. They instilled in me an incredible faith in following God's plan for my life. And, of course, I am most thankful that I have a wonderful man who shares these ideals and who loves me despite my imperfections.

Many Miles......

I just returned from taking my oldest girls (17 and 15) to camp.  We left here at 2:15 for what was supposed to be a 5 hour round-trip ride.   I had mapquested this trip a few weeks ago, and printed it out and put it into a folder, in page protectors, along with my itinerary for next weekend, when I pick the girls up, head to Durham for the night, and drop my 4 other campers off the next day.  In the same folder I had my hotel reservation information and all of the directions to and from the camp, the hotel, the airport from where I will be picking up a friend.  I was very proud of myself for being so organized.  Anyhow, we got only a little lost on the way there (mostly due to my second-guessing the MapQuest directions, more than once!), and were only a little late for check in, because at the first potty stop, we discovered that Shane had left the house with NO SHOES on and we had to stop at a Family Dollar and buy him flip flops (I can see my husband cringing reading this, but hey, they are cheap....).  After the girls unloaded their gear, the other kids and I left to eat dinner at a McDonald's.  I headed South on I95, once again thinking I knew better than MapQuest.  About 10 miles down the highway, we found a great McDonalds, with an outdoor playland so the kids could burn off some pent up energy.  At this point, I realized I should have gone North, and took the atlas and my folder into McDonald's with me to clarify things while the kids played.  Lucky me, Colleen noticed the sign on the playground saying "Parents can play, too!".  So, of course, they weren't happy till I climbed into the play structure and slid down the tube slide.  Laughing hysterically when my inner child escaped.  When the food came and I was able to regain my composure enough to eat with them.  Afterwards,  I managed to use the bathroom and change Mick's diaper, all while sharing the handicapped stall with him and Colleen and Shane (the openings under those bathroom doors are just too big!).  Everyone went potty, and we piled back into the van, when Jack discovered that Molly had forgotten the bag with  her bedding, extra sneakers, and bath towels.   No big deal, since we had to pass the camp since I had gone in the wrong direction to begin with.  So, we got back on I 95 and drove the 10 miles, and then I asked Jack to look up the directions for the remainder of the way to the camp, since it isn't right off of the highway.  This is when we discovered that my purple folder was still at McDonalds.  Argh.  So we turned around again and headed back there.  Meanwhile,  Kiley was crying and Timmy was directly behind me trying to give her a bottle and singing, "This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world..."  And, since those are the only words of the song that he knows, those are the only words he sings.  About 87 times.  We got to McDonalds, Jack retrieved the folder, which, fortunately was still there, and we met a guy in the parking lot who had a badly burned leg from being blind sided by a firework, and who can't work, and was asking for money for food.  We gave him some money and were back on I 95 heading North.  It was getting dark.  I wanted to be home by dark, and we were at least 3 hours from home.  If we don't get lost.   But, we did get lost, because Jack was trying to read the directions backwards, and it was confusing,  We were driving on roads with names like "Chicken Feet" and "Jessie Tart".  Hmmmnnnn.  I stopped at a gas station for gas and directions.  It's a darn good thing this camp is free considering all the gas it was taking to get there and back!  There were two signs on the gas station door.  One said "No Shirt, No Service".  Apparently, shoes are optional.  The other sign said, "No Profanity", and in parenthesesunderneath, "No cussin".  I figured that since I had a shirt on (and shoes, just in case) and have a pretty clean mouth, I was good to go if I wanted to git me some pork rinds and boilt p-nuts.  But, all I really needed were some decent directions.  The lady behind the register pointed me in the right (vague) direction, and after about another 45 minutes, we finally found our way back to the camp.  We pulled up, and there was no one in the office, although the lights were on (it is now 9:30 PM, and we dropped the girls off at 5:45).  But, we could hear kids screaming in the woods and that is when my other kids, who are attending the same camp next week, started getting a little nervous.  A lady came out from the woods and told me she works there.  She didn't have a chainsaw or a hockey mask, so I gave her Molly's stuff which she promised to give to Molly.  She explained to me that the kids are all dressed in dark clothes and wandering through the woods playing some sort of capture the flag-type thing.  So, would I please be extra careful driving back through the woods so I don't "squash anyone".  I would have considered getting a motel room and driving back in the morning, if I hadn't left our old, incontinent dog at home.  So, we got back on the road, heading in the right direction (more or less), and finally pulled up into the driveway at 12:15.  There was a cat meowing pitifully at our front door.  We don't own a cat.  We don't want a cat.  Jack wanted to "at least put it in the backyard so we can find its owners tomorrow" (which it is already....).  He gave it a piece of turkey breast, then tried to pick it up.  When it scratched him, he decided maybe it can find it's own owners.   Now I have put all the kids into bed, and Megan just showed up wanting to Nair her legs because, at 9, she has suddenly decided that, while she dresses in mostly boy-clothes,and acts like a tomboy, she doesn't want "boy legs".   They have their summer enrichment program in the morning, and Mick's bus picks him up at 7:30 am.  6 hours from now.  I am going to bed.........

We miss him!

If you have noticed that I've changed the size of my text, it isn't because I am feeling particularly creative, it is that I am finally admitting that my eyesight (and hearing, alas) are aging with me!  Last time I went to order new glasses, the lady asked me if I wanted bi-focals, and I was aghast, responding with, "I do NOT need bifocals, I am only 39!"  Now, I am noticing that things are becoming a little fuzzy up close.  I really need to make an appt and have my hearing, vision, and cholesterol checked.  Should probably go for a mammogram (what fun) as well, but not till I've stopped nursing!!!

It has recently become apparent just how different my life is from most of my friends.  Many of them have kids in high school, a spattering have kids in elementary, and just a few have new babies. I have all of the above, as well as 2 middle-schoolers, and a preschooler with special needs.  I can't say that I am unhappy with my lot in life - I always wanted a bunch of kids, and God has richly blessed us.  I have a lot in common with a lot of people - not because of the size of my family, but because I have at one time or another dealt with many of the same issues that many other people are going through.  I have had just about every pregnancy/birth experience there is.  I have done my share of emergency room visits, and my kids have had some excellent, and some not-so-good teachers.  There are issues at every age, and I think I've experienced more of them than most people I know.  None of this makes me a better parent, but it does give me some perspective on life.  Which isn't to say that I am particularly wise - because I am not.  Just experienced.  And, the fact that I have so much in common with so many, makes me not have that much in common with most.  Know what I mean?

I think that most people imagine that it is constant chaos in our house.  I can honestly say that is not true.  Between the hours of 9pm and 7am, it is very calm around here!  I sometimes envy my friends who have time to take walks with their spouses, or who can have uninterrupted conversations, or whose schedule does not revolve around who needs to be where, when.  I think this is most poignant to me right now because my husband is not here.  Life in the Parker house is crazy!  We have a loud house.  We have too much stuff (but we are working on purging).  I spend a lot of time in the car driving little people here and there.  My house is never perfectly tidy.  I spend a lot of time on the phone making doctors' appointments, and talking to our Key Volunteers (who are wonderful ladies) about issues that arise.  But, despite living with 9 other people, I do all of this alone.  My husband calls fairly regularly, but it isn't the same as having him here.  When one of the kids does something particularly charming (or particularly annoying), I cannot turn to him with a smile (or a grimace) and say "He/she gets that from my side of the family (or yours)".   The little things that make family life so memorable are the things that I am sad he is missing.  And while there will be many such occasions in the future, we can't get these experiences back. 

I know he is doing an important job in Iraq.  I believe he is an incredible Marine, and a good leader.  I support him with all that I am and all that I have.  And I hope that he understands how important he is to all of us.  Our 5 year old came to me tonight and was sad, saying he misses his daddy.  I printed out a recent picture that Tim sent to me from Iraq, and Shane taped it over his bed, and kissed it goodnight.  Our last line when we say bedtime prayers every night is, "Please keep Daddy safe and let him know we love him."  I hope that he is appreciated there as much as we miss him here.  And that, in the end, the dividends will be worth the separation.

Soon.  He will be home SOON!!!!!

Careers....

On the advice of a friend, I just submitted this to Reader's Digest - $300 could buy a lot of food for my "animals"!  Wish me luck............

 

I was sitting in a Dr's office waiting room this morning with my 11 year old son Timmy, who happens to be the fourth of our 9 children.  We were talking about what he would like to be when he grows up.  He said he wasn't sure yet.   I told him that his 5 year old brother has decided he wants to be a Daddy and a Zookeeper.  Timmy's response was, "Isn't that pretty much the same thing?"

Happy 4th!

68%

My husband is approximately 68% of the way through his deployment. For me, the time is passing quickly, but today I was thinking about some of the things that have transpired since he left.

Kiley was born. She will be 5 and 1/2 months old when he returns!

Mick learned how to open the front door, and despite a lock on the back gate, he has learned how to escape. We've added a bungee cord to the back gate, out of his reach, and another gate to the front door, which used to latch automatically, but doesn't anymore, and he gets out there, too. He usually goes from the back yard to the front door and rings the doorbell, and that is often how we know he got out. However, twice our neighbors brought him back because he went down to their houses. His guardian angel is working overtime, and I am not as comfortable as I used to be leaving him here with the older kids while I run errands. However, to be fair, I've been home most of the times he has gotten out. I am beginning to think having him wear a gps tracking system might not be such a bad idea.........Or putting an alarm on the doors (do you have any idea how many times the doors open in this house?!) Or installing an invisible fence and getting him a shock collar (just kidding....) I do realize how serious this could be, and it was one of the main reasons I wanted a house further from the main road. So far, he has stayed close to home.

My oldest daughter just completed her Junior year in high school. She is looking into joining Americorps after graduation. I think it would be good for her. One of her best friends happens to be a guy. He and she spent a lot of time together, and said they were going to get married just so that they could have each other's parents as in-laws. He would come here and hang out and watch movies, and play with the little kids (which I loved, and they loved).. The noise and chaos never seemed to bother him much, and he always asked if there was anything he could do for me. Once, he cleaned out my dryer vent and assembled the kids' teeter-totter. But, she always insisted that theirs was a platonic relationship. She says that high school romantic relationships are ridiculous, and full of drama, and has said she wants no part in all that. Well, he now has a girlfriend, who doesn't like my daughter (according to my daughter), and so she never sees him anymore. And she misses him. So do I. So does my 15 year old daughter. He is exactly the kind of young man I'd love to see any of my daughters marry some day. I remember the somewhat startling revelation that now when I see a young man, I think about what kind of match he might be for one of my girls. I think this started happening about the time I realized that there are many doctors younger than I am! Kind of creepy from the other side of the stirrups!

I will be so glad to have my husband home. I would never choose to be a single parent. There are so many things that happen within a family, that only a husband and wife can share in the same way. It must have to do with the whole combination of our genes which make these people we've created so incredibly wonderful, wildly impetuous, remarkably unique, and equally challenging. I am so ready to have him here in person to share the ride! And I miss the way he makes me laugh.............

The Miracle of Life!

I was privileged to witness the birth of a baby this morning!  One of our battalion wives delivered her 4th child at the Naval hospital at 1:19am.  Her husband is in Iraq with mine, and fortunately, he was able to speak to her by phone about an hour before the birth, and 30 minutes afterwards.  Not the same as being there, of course, but I know she was glad to hear his voice.  This was the first time I was present at a birth.  It was fabulous.  You would think, after having 9 babies myself, it wouldn't seem so fascinating, but it is way different when it is someone else!  I videotaped (from over her shoulder, nothing graphic), and of course cried when the baby was born.  I am glad for her that her labor wasn't incredibly long, and she had to push only 4 times before her baby girl was born.  Her two other girls, 13 and 6, were there, but were watching TV when all the action was going on.  We have five more local ladies due in the next few weeks/months.  Most will do this without their husbands.  I am glad we live 5 minutes from the hospital, and I hope I will be able to be there for some of them.  I was thinking about this today.   It occurred to me that I never asked her if she wanted me there - I just went because I wanted to.  I sincerely hope that no one would be embarrassed or uncomfortable to have the "CO's wife" there.    I do hope they would be honest if they didn't want me to come.  Perhaps next time I will call first....

The miracle of life is a wonder to behold.  And there is nothing like a new baby to bring hope and joy to a sometimes troubled world.   What a gift!

I'm a Cow

OK, clothes shopping is definitely not my favorite thing these days!  I refuse to buy anything larger than the largest pre-pregnancy size I wore (don't ask, I won't tell...).  I hold pants up, in that size, and say to myself, "these should fit - surely my rear is no bigger than that!"  Oh, but it is.  And then some.  Not only that, but apparently the rest of the pregnancy weight is not just melting away, either.  I have begun working out in earnest, and have been eating healthier, so I feel pretty good.  And, when I stand sideways and suck in my gut, as long as I pretend the post c-section belly hang is not there, I think "Not too bad for a mother of 9".  Then I remind myself that I used to say that I didn't want to look "good for having so many children", I want to look "good" period.  Between bearing and nursing 9 children, I am pretty sure I won't ever be in the shape I was in at 25 years old.  I guess I am OK with that, as long as I am in the best shape I can be.  I am not nearly there yet!  But I am working on it.

Oh, and I have now been called "Grandma" twice.  Both times I was out with my oldest daughter, and the baby, and the assumption was that the baby is my daughter's.  Now, my daughter refuses to hold her when we are out in public! 

I took my oldest daughter today to replace her ID card and her driver's permit, which have been missing since she lost her wallet awhile ago.  She actually is eligible to get her driver's license, since she has had her permit for over a year. But, I haven't allowed her to drive since she lost her wallet because I didn't want her to get pulled over and not have her permit with her.  Also I must admit that I am in no hurry to start paying the increase in insurance when she gets her license.  I don't understand the reasoning, but in NC, your premiums don't increase until the child has an actual license.  Which is a good thing, since she's already had an accident which totalled the car she hit and caused $3500 damage to our van.  I am sure that our premiums will reflect that when she does get her license!  We are still trying to decide how we are going to handle that.  Driving is a huge responsibility.  I was not allowed to get my license or drive until I could pay my own insurance and gas, and buy my own car.  Which I did at 18.  I feel like she might be a more careful and responsible driver if she is paying her own way.  On the other hand, especially while Tim is deployed, it would be helpful to have another driver in the house to do some of the errands and the kid shuttling.  I think the deal we will probably make is that if she is doing 50% of the driving to help me, I will pay for 1/2 the gas and 1/2 the cost of the raise in our insurance premium, and she will pay the other half.  However, if it turns out that she is working full time, and primarily using the car for her own needs, then she will pay for her own gas, as well as insurance.  None of this will happen till she gets a job (she is applying at Ben and Jerry's), and gets her license.  Again, I am in no hurry for her to get her license! I realized today that as much as I say I am not a worrier by nature, I definitely worry about her driving!