Dartboards....

I read "P.S. I Love You..." on our vacation last week.  It was a good book, and I won't ruin it for anyone, as it is out in the movies currently.  I enjoyed the ending, because it wasn't the one I had predicted.  The book is about a young woman who lost her husband to a brain tumor, and her learning to live without him.  I bought it on my way home from my brother's funeral.  One thing that bothered me in the book, though, was that several times she expressed regret at the fights they had had, and the terrible things they said to each other in anger.  Also, last week I had a conversation with a good friend who said that in choosing to love this particular man, she knew she had to accept that he would hurt her sometimes.  She didn't mean physically, but emotionally, and she seemed resigned to that fact.  The next day, I saw an episode of "Law and Order" that featured a NYC cop and his wife who had a mutually abusive relationship.  Cursing, saying mean hateful things to each other and physically abusing one another as well.   While I realize that the book and that TV episode are fictional accounts, I think that they and my friend's comments about the guy she loves are a sad statement about what some find acceptable in a married relationship.  We all know married couples who seem like they are verbally sparring all the time.  Slinging verbal darts at each other.  I am not comfortable being around people like that, and while it may "work" for them, I have a hard time understanding what happened between the time they promised to love honor and cherish each other, and now. I do not believe that love means never having to say you are sorry.  Nor do I believe that a marriage license gives you the right to exploit one another's vulnerabilities.  Or make demands.  Or make fun of each other in front of other people.  Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.  Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and your greatest ally, and the one you can trust to make you feel safe.  There is no greater feeling than being secure in growing older with that person.  Than knowing that he/she will love you for better or worse, with makeup, and without.  With or without hair.  When youth and beauty fade, and when life takes unexpected turns, it is comforting to know there is someone taking the same journey with you.  I could not live with someone who didn't feel the same way.  I am so glad I don't have to.........