2 years...

We have a grand plan, my husband and I.  We have plotted the "ideal" path for his Marine Corps career, and our family.  He has attained Lt Col command, which was at one time, the ultimate goal.   We figured that we would wait to see if he is selected for Top Level School after his command (summer 08).  If he did get selected for school, he thinks he would have a fair chance at making Colonel.  If things went this way, we would be looking at a potential of at least 6 or so more years in the Marine Corps.  However, things have changed a little regarding his command - an Iraq mission his BN had been training for since June has been given to another BN, out of Hawaii.  My husband is disappointed to say the least!  He is trying to get another mission for 2/10, but if he is not able to, then they will probably "roll up" 2/10 and send Tim to Iraq as part of the Division staff for a year.  He would be a commander without a command.  Upon his return from Iraq, if things happen this way, he would have 5-6 months left as CO of  2/10, but 2/10 would not be a complete BN.  This is a position he's waited for his entire Marine Corps career, and now he is talking about retiring in two years if things go the way he fears they will.  So, for the last week my mind has been spinning on "what ifs".  I actually think it might be nice if he could retire and get a job that would afford him more family time - maybe time to teach CCD, and/or coach the kids' sports teams.  Entire weekends as a family.  Of course, we would all miss the life we've known - and the benefits such as living on base, and all it has to offer would be a big thing to lose.  Maybe in two years, we'll be ready for such a change.  We shall see.

The next 40 weeks....

I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  As a mother of 8, and a Catholic who relies on NFP, I should not be surprised.  And, I'm not, not really.  Well, maybe a little.  I will be 20 weeks pregnant on my 40th birthday.  I could not be more excited or happy than I am!  This baby is due on Easter.  I am sure it's a girl, and her name will be Amy Faith.  Because she will be a testament to our faith, and because I never met an Amy I didn't like!  Tim gets to name the baby on the off chance it ends up being a boy.  Time will tell!

What is funny is that I am trying to hide this fact  - primarily because I want to be sure I don't miscarry this time, and have to break that news.  Also, because I am not quite ready to hear some of the negative responses that will come.  I am used to being called crazy, and I can handle that.  Having a big family isn't for everyone, but I feel extraordinarily blessed, and am happy to let God plan our family.  The wonder of the miracle of conception, development and birth is no less magnificent the 9th time as it is the first time around.  I love being a part of this miracle!  And, most importantly, my husband is on board 100%.  He laughed when I told him the news - what a wonderful sound that was.  He is an amazing man.  It isn't like either of us is unaware of how much kids cost, or how many things can happen to them, or the daily stresses of life in a big family, or the tremendous responsibility we already have to raise our children.  But we are in this together, for the long haul.  I am thrilled to have his babies!

I am determined to eat right and exercise throughout this pregnancy.  It will be another c-section, my 4th.  Tim is due to go to Iraq in April, so I will have 7 months after the baby comes to get my body back before Tim comes home.  I love a challenge!

Father's Day

Mick is in the hospital again.  He slipped on the stairs on Tuesday, and wouldn't bear weight on his left foot.  I took him to the Dr on Wednesday.  This  Dr "worked" his leg up and down, from foot and ankle, and Mick didn't show any signs of pain, so, since there was no bruising or swelling, the Dr suggested that maybe Mick just "remembered" the pain he felt when he fell.  He didn't want to x-ray his foot unless necessary, so he told me to bring Mick back on Friday if he still wasn't using his foot.  On Friday, his foot was swollen, and I brought him in for x-rays.  The x-rays showed no break, but the swelling was alarming to the Dr (a different one, this time), so they admitted him and put him on IV antibiotics and did blood work, looking for cellulitis, or possible osteomyletis (bone infection).  He has now been in the hospital for 3 days, and we still don't know what is wrong with his foot.  They will do a bone scan tomorrow to see if he does, indeed, have osteomyelitis.  Mick has been a trooper through it all.  Never once did he cry or fight the nurses when they were drawing blood!  He is getting a bit grumpy at having to be in the hospital, though, and he isn't happy about having his arm on a board to support his IV site.  It's itchy, I think.  Tim and I have been taking turns staying with Mick, and I am making dinner to bring up to the hospital so that we can have a Father's Day picnic in Mick's room.  I just wish we could bring Mick home, and return to the hospital when he needs his meds and tests.  But, I know they are being super cautious, and I can't complain about that.  I was reading about osteomyelitis on the Internet last night.  I also learned that people with Down Syndrome are more prone to infection, and I am sure that is why they are being extra vigilant about diagnosing him.  I just want him to get better and come home.  The kids are excited to be going up to see him, but I know it will be hard for Mick to see Tim and them go home.  Sigh.

Casualties of War....

This morning a friend of mine was telling me about helping a friend of hers pack up her things in her house to get ready to move.  Her husband was killed in Iraq in March, and she and her kids are moving out of base housing and out on their own.  Maybe back to her hometown.  My friend said how hard it was to take the pictures off the walls.  And, she told me that her friend's kids were following my friend's husband around all day Saturday, calling him "Daddy".  She told my friend that the money she is receiving isn't nearly as much as she had expected it to be, and wonders how she is going to support her kids.  Man.  I cannot even imagaine.

Then, this afternoon I ventured over to the Lemon Lot at the PX (where people park cars and RVs they want to sell).  I saw a Marine in a wheelchair, having had his lower right leg below the knee amputated (or maybe blown off by a roadside bomb?).  Two boys, about 6 and 9 years old, were following him around, looking at cars.  I assume they are his sons. 

My husband told me last week that he will be returning to Iraq in March, for 7 months.  He wants to go, so I want him to go.  We both believe in the cause. He needs to be where the action is, and I love him for that.  I know I can manage while he is gone.  I've done it before, I can do it again.  But, quite honestly, I'd rather be blissfully ignorant of the dangers he will face.  I don't want to think about him being injured or killed.  He is my whole life.  And, when I see these brave men who are now broken (hopefully only physically - with their spirits intact), or hear these heart wrenching stories of the families that are left behind, it only makes it all the more obvious how important it is to treasure the time we have together - as husband and wife, and as a family.  God Bless our fighting men and women, and God Bless the families who support their desire to fight for freedom, for all, not just for Americans.

Pertussis

OK.  So there is a mini epidemic of whooping cough on base.  I have 4 of my kids on house arrest (quarantined) for the next 5 days, because they have been exposed to someone(s) who has been diagnosed with whooping cough.  Mine are healthy, and on prophylactic antibiotics, just in case.  My lucky husband gets to spend the weekend in NY, for Fleet Week.  I am not quarantined - maybe I will just join him!!!!

Working without a net....

This parenting thing is hard!!!!!!!!!!  My daughter is in her mid teens.  She is fairly typical, has had her share of ups and downs.  Teen-aged angst type stuff, mostly.  When my husband was in Iraq, she became friends with a girl from school, who was troubled.  As in, "kicked-out-of-base-housing" type trouble.  I first heard about this girl from a phone call to our home from an NCIS agent who had questions to ask my daughter regarding charges this girl was bringing against a former boyfriend.  My daughter was being a friend - trying to help this girl.  They continued their friendship, and this girl spent a few nights at our house.  She was friendly and polite enough, but not someone I'd have chosen for Katie to grow close to.  She seemed "fast" (I sound like my mother, ack!) Parental supervision/involvement seemed to be sorely lacking in their house, and, against my better judgement, I allowed my daughter to spend a few nights at their house.  She always came back reeking of smoke (both parents smoke), and her grades started to slide.  I didn't have concrete evidence to back up my instincts until I found a note this girl had written to my daughter, all about their drinking and partying, and plans to get drunk on Homecoming night, so that this girl could "lose her virginity again".  Needless to say, my daughter was not allowed to spend the night over there again.  I felt justified in cutting all ties between the girls. 

This year, my daughter has made quite a few really good quality, wholesome friends.  She started attending CYO and bible study, and acting more interested in her faith.  Her attitude around the house has improved immensely, and I have been very proud of the young lady she is becoming.  Unfortunately, the girls she has been hanging around with this year, the girls I really like, are all moving this summer!  AND........yesterday she got a call from the other girl from last year, inviting her to lunch to celebrate this girl's birthday.  Again, against my better judgement, I let her go.  They ended up back at this girl's house, and my daughter called and asked if she could stay there for awhile.  I said that she needed to come right home, and she did, without an argument.  Now, though, she is telling me that she wants to use her new found wisdom and faith to help this girl and her sister (who is 17, and the mother of a 3 year old).  I love her intentions.  I admire her desire to bring these girls to an understanding and relationship with God.  But it scares the heck outta me!  Alarm bells are going off all over.  What if my daughter backslides?!  What if she gets into some kind of trouble with these girls?!  What if they convince her that their lifestyle is more fun than the one she has recently started living?! 

She argues that it is all a matter of trust, and that if I trusted her it would all be fine.  It isn't her I don't trust, and every time I don't trust my instincts, I wish I had.  This will be an interesting conversation with my husband. He will be back at the end of next week, and I am anxious to see what he has to say.  I wish there was a manual, kind of like my favorite "How to Fix Just About Anything" book.  The lady who is currently running the CYO program at church is leaving.  After discussing this with my husband, we agreed to take it on, along with another good friend of mine.  It is so important to be involved in your kids' lives - especially through the teen years - and so hard to do when the younger ones demand so much of our time and energy.  But, it will be a valuable and rewarding experience for all of us, I hope.

Relationships

There is so much that is wonderful to sit back and observe.  This weekend, I was struck (stricken?) by how many truly good, truly happy, truly blessed people that I have the good fortune to know.  Which isn't to say that these people have lived trouble-free, easy lives.  They haven't.  Some have been through trials that would make another person bitter, or resentful, or, at least, cautious to open their lives and their hearts to others.  Some have endured more pain (physical, or emotional, or both), than most people will ever know.  The way they've chosen to live their lives is inspiring.  These are beautiful people!  They are the first to help and the last to complain.  I love that, and I am lucky to know them. 

Change of Command

What a beautiful day for Tim's change of command!  And now the ride begins.  It was great to see so many of our friends and family - especially those who traveled from a great distance to be there for Tim.  It is both strange and wonderful sometimes to stand back and watch the pieces of our lives fall into place.  This is what Tim wanted as his ultimate career goal - to command a battalion of Marines as a Lt Col.  I am incredibly proud of and happy for him that he is living his dream. 

Our Neighbors to the North...

We had a great surprise last week.  Our former next door neighbors, from when we lived her 5 years ago, were in town for a visit.  They are from NORWAY!!  I can say, without a doubt, that I never expected to see them again, after we moved away!  They came for dinner on Friday night, and it was wonderful to see them again.  Their three boys were cute when we knew them before, but they are all teenagers now, and any one of them can marry any one of my daughters!  Nice, boys, polite, well mannered, and handsome!!! 

It is what it is.......

I get crazy when people think that there is an ulterior motive for everyone else's actions.  When I can't say something that someone else will read the wrong way, or try to interpret to feed their own insecurities.  I find myself apologizing for not being more sensitive to the fact that someone else might think there is more to what I am saying than the simple facts.  I like to think I am an honest person.  I have a very hard time with people who lie - no matter what they are lying about.  We don't lie about our kids' ages to get discounts at amusement parks.  I try to stress to my kids how important it is to be truthful, even when it is difficult or costly.  And I try to be a good example for them in this regard.  Which is why I have a hard time understanding why my words or actions are questioned.  IT IS WHAT IT IS!!

On the other hand, I can't help but feel sorry for the people who live their lives looking over their shoulders, anticipating a knife in the back.  I suppose I am lucky and blessed to not be jaded.  To have had a great childhood - wonderful, loving parents who stayed married, and a husband who is faithful, and who I love more with each passing year.  I'd like to think that I would be happy and hopeful, even if that weren't the case.  But, I guess I will never know.  Nor do I want to find out!

Homework!

I was telling Tim tonight how nice it is when he is home to help with homework.  Jack is multiplying and dividing decimals.  He just finished a book project yesterday.  And he has an E square project due in May.  I have read Katie's and Molly's E squares in the past, and am befuddled by the whole process.  Katie is doing an "I-Search" project on Florence Nightingale.  Timmy is doing a project on Iowa - shoe box-type thing, and written report.  Megan is doing a character doll project from a fairy tale (she has, in second grade, by far, the most projects this year).  Colleen is in a school play at the end of the month, about community workers.  Fortunately, I don't have to make a costume, since she is a "damsel in distress" being rescued from a burning building, and therefore, has to wear only her Sunday best.  Molly is in a middle school play in May, but I haven't been hit up for costumes or accessories so far (phew...).  And, Shane's homework, due the day after tomorrow, is to make a lion out of a toilet paper tube and assorted craft items from around the house.  His picture is to be the face of the lion.  Fortunately, I have a plethora of assorted craft items, and we made the body out of a paint roll (fluffy!) painted brown, with clothes pins for leg, and twine for a tail.  Not sure what we will use for the mane, yet.  Holy Cow. 

I am thinking that if I were brave enough to home school this crowd, we would all be studying the SAME thing.  For instance, we could do, say, Africa.  Katie could do the I-search on the continent, Molly could do some kind of project involving African music or culture.  Jack could research the agriculture, Timmy could do a diorama, illustrating some African customs, Megan could make a traditional doll, Colleen could learn a dance or a chant, or something, and Shane could still make his lion out of assorted craft materials around the house!  Hmmmnnnn....................

Words

Last night,  I was sorting through a myriad of white socks, in several different sizes, in an attempt to find enough matching pairs to fit 16 feet this morning.  I was simultaneously flipping channels and came across a comedian who was pretty much making fun of everyone in the universe - race, color, creed, no exceptions, were fair game.  A lot of his act was funny.  Then he started making fun of people with cerebral palsy, people with Down Syndrome, and people who are physically handicapped.  This made me a little sad, and a little mad.  Just lately, the word "retarded" has gained popularity.  Kids, adults, movies (Napoleon Dynamite - which was a funny movie, by the way), and musicians (Black-Eyed Peas) are all using the word retarded to mean that someone/something, is just really stupid, really screwed-up.

From Webster's Online Dictionary:

Main Entry: re·tard·ed
Pronunciation: ri-'tär-d&d
Function: adjective
sometimes offensive : slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress

As a parent of a child with Down Syndrome, I flinch a little when I hear this word tossed around in a flippant, or mean way.  My kids are not allowed to use it in that way - but, then again, they know what it really means.  They all hear it, though.  I told my 10 year old today, when he told me that his friend called him retarded, that it comes out then as an insult to both him, and to his little brother, who has Down Syndrome.  I don't believe Timmy's friend meant to insult either of my boys, I think he was joking around like kids do.  But it does concern me that so many people use this term in this way.

Mick is funny.  He does goofy things, and probably always will.  But, he isn't stupid.  And, his extra chromosome pretty much assures that he won't have a mean bone in his body.  I would much rather my kids be sweet, kind and loving, than smart, cool, and popular if it means they have to insult other kids to reach that status.  Sigh.

What to Expect....

Timmy and I were at the library checking out books, when I overheard the lady next to me asking the librarian to look up What to Expect When You are Expecting.  There were no copies available, and several checked out and already on hold.  I told her that I had a copy at home she could have if she wanted it, so she and her husband followed us home.  Upon entering our house, they were greeted by Mick, in a less-than-clean diaper (Katie was babysitting, but "didn't notice that he was stinky")  Welcome to parenthood, the good, the bad and the smelly!  They appeared to have a sense of humor, luckily!  I gave her the original book, plus "What to Eat when You are Expecting", What to Expect the First Year, and What to Expect the Toddler Years.  As well as A Child is Born, which is old and has some pretty graphic childbirth photos, but also has some awesome photos of babies in utero, in various stages of development.  Of course, this pretty much guarantees that I will be pregnant within a month.  But.........I already know it all, anyways!!!  And, I am officially old.  She is 22.  This is her husband's first duty station, and he looks like he is about 15.  I remember those days like they were yesterday.  Where the heck does the time go?

 

Lamps and stuff...

Lamps in this house have short lives.  They seem to get knocked over regularly, and we are always replacing bulbs.  And not a single lamp has it's original shade, I bet.  Anyhow, I just finished rewiring one of my favorite floor lamps.  I did learn, the hard way, that it is wise to unplug said lamp before attempting this task, and I am still seeing blue spots.  BUT, I did it!  It has occured to me just now that we have a neighbor who has an absolutely beautiful, and very large, tiffany floor lamp in her living room.  I don't think my kids will EVER be allowed to go into her house!!!!!!!

I am also in the process of building a full sized loft bed for Colleen and Megan to sleep in.  They share a full bed now, but with all four girls in one room, we need to maximize the space available.  Not to mention that stuff disappears under their bed now, that is usually outgrown by the time they find it!  I bought plans off the internet, took them to Lowes, and bought the lumber and hardware today.  I planned to go to the woodshop here on base and have the guys there help me to cut the wood and drill the holes etc.  Actually, and I am ashamed to admit this, but my plan was to play the "Oh, silly me, this is my first project, and I don't know what I am doing" card, in the hopes that they'd do it all for me so I could just take it home, sand, paint and assemble it.  But, no.  The manager of the shop went over the plans with me, and made several suggestions for changes that would make the bed safer and more durable (he's from a family of 8, and knows how important it is that it be sturdy because of the wear and tear it is likely to take).  By the time he was done explaining the modifications to me, it was too late to make any cuts, so Tim and I will go back tomorrow, and hopefully, we can kick it out so that I can spend this week finishing it and fixing up their little corner of the room.  Tim is going out of town for two nights this week, and that is the best time for me to do my projects.

 

Surgery results...

OK, it's done.  I had the surgery a week ago, and my face is healing well.  I have a shiny forehead, that is about 1/2 inch higher than it used to be, but no more "cracks on my forehead" - quote from Colleen, who is 5.  And, I have eyelids that you can see!  That saying, "You get what you pay for" kept entering my mind (the whole thing was free for me), but I am happy to say that the results are good.  The staples in my head (all 15) come out tomorrow, and I should be able to experiment with makeup next week, when the bruising and swelling are completely gone.  My kids have been inviting their friends over to see my staples.  Nice to know this surgery has been amusing for all....Tim saw my face before I did, and said, "Did you want to look like Oprah?"  Nice.  He also wondered aloud if  this dr was trying to be the first American Doc to perform face transplants.  Funny guy, my husband....

Control Issues...

There seem to be two kinds of people in this world.  Those who feel that they have to control every aspect of their lives, as if their destiny depends solely on their every move or decision.  And there are those who fly through life by the seat of their pants.  Personally, I have few control issues.  Many would say I don't have enough control issues, I suppose.  And, I do get frustrated when my house isn't as clean as I'd like it to be, or my kids are not perfectly behaved, or I've forgotten something important because I did not write it down, or got distracted by something else.  But, I am usually a happy person!

On the other hand I have met few truly happy control freaks.  Because, there is so much about life that you can't control.  And I think it's unfair and unkind to try and control other people (the exception being the raising of children and setting limits to keep them safe and well, and likeable).  It is inevitable that you will be disappointed at times, when things don't go as you wish, or as you think they should.  But, I've found that those are the situations that often come with the greatest, unexpected blessings, often by way of introducing new people into your life that you would not have had the chance to meet otherwise.  If you are bogged down and disappointed, or even angry, thinking "it didn't go my way, or it wasn't my plan", you can miss those blessings.  And that is just a shame.

If Wishes Were Horses....

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride..........

I wish all my kids were always happy, never fought, never had trouble in school, or socially. 

I am happy that they are all healthy, and have each other.

I wish that I had more patience, more understanding, and more time to give them individually.

I am happy that they love me anyhow!

I wish that my house would stay clean.

I am happy that my house is warm when it is cold out, and cool when it is hot out.

I wish there was a magic formula for getting into shape.

I am happy that I am healthy and have the tools to work on it myself.

I wish I could see what the future holds for my family.

I am happy that the unknown is not necessarily bad, and that the possibilities are exciting.

I wish that I could fix the things that trouble my husband.

I am happy he feels safe confiding in me.

I wish everyone had a happy marriage.

I am happy that I do!

Feeling Lucky...

Mick was admitted to the hospital on Saturday morning for possible pneumonia.  He was on oxygen in the ICU till yesterday, when my husband convinced the Drs to let us bring him home with the setup to give him oxygen here, as needed.  Fortunately, he only needs it at night, and when he takes his naps.  His sats are fine when he is awake.  Unfortunately, this translates to little sleep for me since Saturday, since I spent the the three hospital nights with him, and am monitoring him now at home (without nurses coming in when the warning alarm on the machine goes off).  Tim is in the field until Friday evening, at which time he gets to take over so I can catch up on sleep! 

Through this all, our friends and neighbors have been absolutely fabulous!!!!!  From phone calls, emails, prayers, and offers from everything to kid shuttling, babysitting, meal-making, (no one has offered to do my laundry, darn!).  We have dinner coming throughout the middle of next week.  The amount of food people are bringing is amazing, too.  I think they think they are feeding an army.  I don't cook nearly as much as the food they are supplying!  It's all good, all generous, and I can't complain.  I feel so lucky to know so many great people who care enough to try and make things easier for me so that I can take care of Mick.  The rest of the kids are a little confused about why we are suddenly being provided with dinner from a different family every night, but I've explained to them that that's what you do when someone is sick, and that it makes people feel good to help.  I do wonder how much of this response is because we are in a military community, where people naturally draw together to support one another, because, often, extended families don't live nearby.  I'd like to think that communities are like this everywhere, but I do consider us blessed to live among the Marine Corps finest families!

Happy Birthday!

My husband turned 40 last week.  I spent the last couple of months doing a power point slide show of pictures set to music to show at his surprise birthday party.  Turns out the only surprise was that the music didn't work when the slide show was played through his laptop, which was connected to a projector and shown on a pull-down screen at the Follow Me Bar at the O'Club.  The presentation went well, other than that, though, and the party was fun. 

His birthday present was a bar - the wooden kind, with a canopy which holds glassware, and a cheesy Cantina sign on plastic, which we will replace with a real stained glass sign that will say either "Slainte" (cheers, in Gaelic), or "Tim's Pub".  His call.  It's been fun stocking the bar, and we had friends over last Sunday night, and are having more friends over tomorrow night to "break it in".  Tim looks right at home behind the bar, and this may just be good practice for a follow-on career at the end of his time in the Marine Corps (I hope not..........).  What we save on our O'club bill will probably equal what we spend on entertaining at home, but it's all good!!!

Reviewing old pictures for the PP presentation had me reflecting on how many wonderful memories we have, and how many truly great people we can call our friends.  We have been blessed!

Blepharoplasty....

OK, so 2 weeks ago, we had a visit with Mick's ENT for follow up for his ear tube placement.  In his office was a pamphlet for BLEPHAROPLASTY.  Which is surgery to lift saggy eyelids.  My mom had this surgery about 10 years ago upon her drs' recommendation because one eyelid was actually impairing her vision.  I casually mentioned this to Mick's dr, and asked him what conditions had to be met to have insurance cover this procedure.  He said, "For yourself?"  and I said that I figured I will probably need/choose to have it done someday, as my mom did.  Like, someday in the future.  He pulled my face this way and that, and concluded that in fact, I would be a good candidate for upper-lid blepharoplasty and an endoscopic brow lift!!!!  Unfortunately, he does not do lipo or tummy-tucks......

So, here I am , scheduled for plastic surgery.  I am not nervous or scared, just still a little surprised that this is happening.  Before the Extreme Make Over shows became popular, I don't think I ever would have considered something like this.  But, it's amazing what a little lift here and there can do for your appearance!  I always hoped to age gracefully, and wonder what choosing this says about me.  I asked Katie what she thought, and she said she thinks it's rather shallow and vain.  I found myself proud of her for saying this, since she is 15, and I am happy that she isn't sucked into "appearance is everything, at any cost".  But, she is young, and beautiful. 

I have asked my friends, who are my age, what they think, and the general consensus is that I should do it now, while I can enjoy the results, if I will probably need to do it later anyhow.  Even my mother concurs.  And Tim is OK with it, too.  I expected him to put up a little resistance, but he didn't.  He says I have "Little beady Brennan eyes".  Half of our kids are lucky to have inherited the Parker eyes.  The others may be candidates for this procedure in the future.  I know I don't want it badly enough to pay for it, but since insurance will cover it, I am scheduled for surgery on Valentine's Day.  Here's hoping I don't come out looking like I've been through a wind-tunnel, or with a permanent look of surprise on my face.  The Dr promised this wouldn't happen...............

The tough questions....

I spent New Year's Eve in the hospital with a few other ladies.  A mutual friend lost her 17 year old son at 8:30 that night.  He was struck from behind by another 17 year old boy who was driving his truck down the wrong side of the road, where Zach and his friend were walking to a friend's house.  I don't think I will ever forget the sound of pure pain I heard when the EMS guys told my friend that Zach had died.  Every parent's worst nightmare.  So many people affected by this accident.  And, that is exactly what it appeared to be - no alcohol, no drugs, no excess speed, just a dark road, some headlights from a 4 wheeler in a nearby field that temporarily blinded the driver, and two boys walking who simply were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  When I went into the room to be with my friend, she was crumpled in a heap on the floor, alternately denying the truth, and blaming herself.  At one point she said, "I asked God to make him OK, why isn't he OK?"  Who has an answer for that question?  Of course, all the "pat" answers came to mind: "God has a plan.  Zach is in a better place, free from pain."  But, I couldn't bring myself to say those things, nor do I think she would have been receptive to anything I had to say, such was the state of her grief.  So, I got her a pillow and blanket, rubbed her back, and cried with her.  And, all I could think about was how very hard it must be to have a child ripped from your life unexpectedly.  I believe in God, and that He controls the events in our lives.  I have no doubt that His plan is better than any I could come up with on my own.  But my heart hurts for all the people who were affected by this accident.  The driver of the truck, the driver of the 4-wheeler, the boy walking with Zach, and, of course all of those boys' families and friends.  Such a tragedy.