Working without a net....

This parenting thing is hard!!!!!!!!!!  My daughter is in her mid teens.  She is fairly typical, has had her share of ups and downs.  Teen-aged angst type stuff, mostly.  When my husband was in Iraq, she became friends with a girl from school, who was troubled.  As in, "kicked-out-of-base-housing" type trouble.  I first heard about this girl from a phone call to our home from an NCIS agent who had questions to ask my daughter regarding charges this girl was bringing against a former boyfriend.  My daughter was being a friend - trying to help this girl.  They continued their friendship, and this girl spent a few nights at our house.  She was friendly and polite enough, but not someone I'd have chosen for Katie to grow close to.  She seemed "fast" (I sound like my mother, ack!) Parental supervision/involvement seemed to be sorely lacking in their house, and, against my better judgement, I allowed my daughter to spend a few nights at their house.  She always came back reeking of smoke (both parents smoke), and her grades started to slide.  I didn't have concrete evidence to back up my instincts until I found a note this girl had written to my daughter, all about their drinking and partying, and plans to get drunk on Homecoming night, so that this girl could "lose her virginity again".  Needless to say, my daughter was not allowed to spend the night over there again.  I felt justified in cutting all ties between the girls. 

This year, my daughter has made quite a few really good quality, wholesome friends.  She started attending CYO and bible study, and acting more interested in her faith.  Her attitude around the house has improved immensely, and I have been very proud of the young lady she is becoming.  Unfortunately, the girls she has been hanging around with this year, the girls I really like, are all moving this summer!  AND........yesterday she got a call from the other girl from last year, inviting her to lunch to celebrate this girl's birthday.  Again, against my better judgement, I let her go.  They ended up back at this girl's house, and my daughter called and asked if she could stay there for awhile.  I said that she needed to come right home, and she did, without an argument.  Now, though, she is telling me that she wants to use her new found wisdom and faith to help this girl and her sister (who is 17, and the mother of a 3 year old).  I love her intentions.  I admire her desire to bring these girls to an understanding and relationship with God.  But it scares the heck outta me!  Alarm bells are going off all over.  What if my daughter backslides?!  What if she gets into some kind of trouble with these girls?!  What if they convince her that their lifestyle is more fun than the one she has recently started living?! 

She argues that it is all a matter of trust, and that if I trusted her it would all be fine.  It isn't her I don't trust, and every time I don't trust my instincts, I wish I had.  This will be an interesting conversation with my husband. He will be back at the end of next week, and I am anxious to see what he has to say.  I wish there was a manual, kind of like my favorite "How to Fix Just About Anything" book.  The lady who is currently running the CYO program at church is leaving.  After discussing this with my husband, we agreed to take it on, along with another good friend of mine.  It is so important to be involved in your kids' lives - especially through the teen years - and so hard to do when the younger ones demand so much of our time and energy.  But, it will be a valuable and rewarding experience for all of us, I hope.