What Am I Doing?!

I spent most of this evening doing battle with my 14 year old.  I love her dearly, but she is driving me INSANE!  After much consternation and complaining on my part about her recent behavior and the way she treats her siblings, and her lack of responsibility regarding the things she is expected to do around here, she finally confided to me that she is just plain unhappy.  I told her that maybe we should make an appointment for counseling, and she didn't want to even think about that.  I asked her what she thought would make her happy, and she said that her best friend is no longer talking to her (for 2 weeks now, about when I noticed a change in her behavior around here), and she doesn't know why.  She's written him 3 letters, and he completely ignores her.  They had a friendship, not a romance, but it is a different kind of heartache.  I am feeling like a bad mom for not being more attuned to what is going on with her, and feeling sad that she didn't confide in me when this first happened, and that we had to have angry words before this came out.  I don't know that I could have changed anything, but at least I could have listened.  What she is going through doesn't give her license to treat everyone around here poorly, and I told her that, but it does make me understand a little about why she's been so irritable lately.  I think the hardest thing about parenting is not being able to fix a broken heart.  Little kids are easy - a kiss and a band-aid makes almost anything better, but the older they get, and the deeper they feel, the harder it is to help sometimes.  And there is so much that they have to figure out for themselves.  Growing pains are very real.  And here I am, getting ready to have another little person who depends on me for everything.  My greatest challenge, having so many kids and all different ages, is giving them the time and attention they need and deserve.  Before this came out with my daughter this evening, I spent a good bit of time talking with just my 12 year old son, and I felt like a good mom about that.  Amazing how quickly that feeling can vanish when someone else has needs that aren't being met.  God help me!

This was in tonight's email from my husband:

"A long day has come to an end, sometimes I wish I could tell you why it's been so long, perhaps when I get home.  Our guys are really making life and death decisions every day, and today it was more of the latter. I love you."

So, compared to what he is dealing with every day, I suppose my issues are minor.  Puts things into perspective.  I hope he has people he can talk to over there.  I cannot begin to imagine the  stresses of life in a war zone.  I know he has so much vested in his Marines.  I know he feels responsible for them, for their welfare, for their morale, for their families back home who want them to come back whole.  On top of the concerns he has for his own family, of course.  No wonder he has white hair!  God help us both.