Kiley Clare...

Well, she is here!  Kiley was born on Monday - a scheduled c-section that took all of about 10 minutes, it seemed.  Everything, and everyone was in place, and all has gone smoothly, I am happy to say!   I am blessed to have my friend Amy here.  She came last Friday, took over my house, did a clean sweep of kids' toys, household items, and clothing, and has been incredibly helpful with the day to day driving, errands, meal prep and cleanup, and everything.  I think she should get out of the Marine Corps and come live with us!  We love having her here!  It was nice to come home to a clean house. 

Kiley is beautiful, and very much loved.  The kids are constantly competing for who gets to hold her.  She is nursing well, although had to go back for a weight check today because she had lost 10oz in the hospital.  My milk just came in yesterday, though, and I was able to convince the Dr that I know the signs and will bring her in if she seems to be having trouble gaining weight.  She loves to be held, and I spend most  nights in the recliner in my room nursing her.  She falls asleep, I put her into her crib, she wakes up, and wants to be held.  It's actually kind of sweet, and it is a good thing the chair is comfortable!  I don't know how long I will be able to maintain that routine, but, recovering from a c-section, it is actually easier to get up out of the chair than it is to get out of bed to feed her.  I feel good physically - no major pain from the surgery.  Staples came out today.  Not happy about how swollen I still am, and will be happy when I have lost the excess fluids.  I have Porky Pig feet.  Back to Weight Watchers in the morning.  They have a nutritional plan for nursing moms, and I have had success with it in the past.

I am sad that Tim isn't here to see her.  Especially since the emails I have sent (with photos of the kids and Kiley) to him since Monday are getting kicked back to me.  He called today convinced that something is wrong since he hasn't heard from me, and he desperately wants to see pictures.  I did an album on Shutterfly today, and hope he can access the pix that way.  It isn't good to get too dependent on email com, I am learning!

What Am I Doing?!

I spent most of this evening doing battle with my 14 year old.  I love her dearly, but she is driving me INSANE!  After much consternation and complaining on my part about her recent behavior and the way she treats her siblings, and her lack of responsibility regarding the things she is expected to do around here, she finally confided to me that she is just plain unhappy.  I told her that maybe we should make an appointment for counseling, and she didn't want to even think about that.  I asked her what she thought would make her happy, and she said that her best friend is no longer talking to her (for 2 weeks now, about when I noticed a change in her behavior around here), and she doesn't know why.  She's written him 3 letters, and he completely ignores her.  They had a friendship, not a romance, but it is a different kind of heartache.  I am feeling like a bad mom for not being more attuned to what is going on with her, and feeling sad that she didn't confide in me when this first happened, and that we had to have angry words before this came out.  I don't know that I could have changed anything, but at least I could have listened.  What she is going through doesn't give her license to treat everyone around here poorly, and I told her that, but it does make me understand a little about why she's been so irritable lately.  I think the hardest thing about parenting is not being able to fix a broken heart.  Little kids are easy - a kiss and a band-aid makes almost anything better, but the older they get, and the deeper they feel, the harder it is to help sometimes.  And there is so much that they have to figure out for themselves.  Growing pains are very real.  And here I am, getting ready to have another little person who depends on me for everything.  My greatest challenge, having so many kids and all different ages, is giving them the time and attention they need and deserve.  Before this came out with my daughter this evening, I spent a good bit of time talking with just my 12 year old son, and I felt like a good mom about that.  Amazing how quickly that feeling can vanish when someone else has needs that aren't being met.  God help me!

This was in tonight's email from my husband:

"A long day has come to an end, sometimes I wish I could tell you why it's been so long, perhaps when I get home.  Our guys are really making life and death decisions every day, and today it was more of the latter. I love you."

So, compared to what he is dealing with every day, I suppose my issues are minor.  Puts things into perspective.  I hope he has people he can talk to over there.  I cannot begin to imagine the  stresses of life in a war zone.  I know he has so much vested in his Marines.  I know he feels responsible for them, for their welfare, for their morale, for their families back home who want them to come back whole.  On top of the concerns he has for his own family, of course.  No wonder he has white hair!  God help us both.

Many blessings....

Some friends threw a baby shower for me on Sunday.  It was unexpected, but nice!  I felt a little silly when they told me that they wanted to do this, because, as you can imagine, with 8 kids already, I have a lot of "stuff".  There is nothing I "needed".  I had gotten rid of the baby girl clothes when I found out Mick was a boy, but since learning the new one I am carrying is a girl, I've been stocking up on little pink items!  So anyhow, I had 25 wonderful ladies attend, from different groups of friends, and it was so very nice.  And I got a ton of cute things for baby Kiley.  One of my favorite gifts came from a neighbor - a beautiful, handmade crib quilt in exactly the colors and patterns I would have chosen myself.  She and I play BUNKO together occasionally, but I don't know her that well, and she made this for Kiley, "just because".   Then......today I got an express letter from a friend of my mom's, who was also my 4th grade Catechism teacher.   They had been keeping in touch sporadically over the years, and bumped into each other at a retreat a couple of weeks ago.  I haven't seen her in probably close to 30 years.  This lady wrote me a nice note and enclosed a very generous check "for the baby", from a friend of hers who doesn't even know us!!!!!!!  Wow!  I feel so blessed by the people in my life!  People are so good.......

Amazing Amanda...

Santa brought my 6 year old a doll for Christmas.  This doll is interactive, and even her facial expressions change.  She asks questions, and responds to her "mommy's" voice.  Santa thought Colleen would love this particular doll.  She has been on a shelf since Christmas night.  Colleen tells everyone "not to wake her up!"  Someone did, tonight, and Amazing Amanda told us she had to go potty, she was hungry, she is sad, she wants to play.... blah blah blah.  I told Colleen that she has an off switch, so she turned her off, but when she did, Amanda froze with a look on her face like she was going to burst into tears.  I couldn't take it, and turned her back on again and gave her a hug so she could "rest in peace".  For Pete's sake........

3 weeks down.....

OK, I think we're good!  Everyone is healthy, at the moment.  Hoping to stay that way for awhile! 

Although I realize that this baby won't come when I'm ready, I was able to make a good sized dent today in the things I wanted to accomplish before her birth.  I am seriously considering hiring my friend's mom to be my "mamasan" while she is here visiting in the States.  That means that I will be spending extra time cleaning before she comes each time, but who knows, maybe it will force me to stay on top of things around here.  I keep telling these kids that it is getting increasingly hard for me to bend over and pick up stuff off the floor.   It amazes me that they are "blind" to the stuff that gets left lying around on the floor.  Nor does it help that I can't see my own feet!  Of course, Mick's favorite thing to do is throw things - and most of what he actually throws into the trash can (or toilet) ends up being expensive electronic equipment! 

I went to a Division KVA/KVC meeting the other night.  This was the first time I had heard stories of CACO calls, and how they had been dealt with, from people who had been there (none of them lost spouses, but knew ladies who had).  So sad, so hard.  I had two 'hang up' calls two consecutive nights, and it started me thinking about what if it was a CACO officer calling to see if I was home so he could deliver "the news".  I am not a worrier by nature, and I do have 2 teenaged daughters, so I didn't ponder this awful thought for long, chalking it up to likely wrong numbers, or some boy calling to talk to one of my girls.  I am glad that Tim and I have good email comm, and he makes a point of letting me know if he is going to be "out and about" for awhile so that I won't worry if I don't hear from him.  I don't watch the news - we even gave up TV for Lent, and I don't miss it at all.  The kids do, but I don't!  And, wow, are they plowing through some books these days!  I don't feel the need to know everything that is happening in Iraq, and I figure if there is something I do need to know, I will find it out soon enough.  I prefer to spend my days blissfully unaware of the dangers my husband is facing.  I pray (HARD), and I miss him (TERRIBLY), but as long as we can communicate regularly, I am OK.  Thank God for email.........