Proud!

An email from one of the adult leaders of our church's Confirmation team:

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        I just wanted to pass along my observations of Katie during this past weekend.
        Katie did a phenomenal job as the Retreat Master.
        She was enthusiastic, inspiring, devoted, and reliable in performing her duties  and working with the staff and Confirmation students.

        Much of the retreat success is due in large part to her involvement in the planning and  execution of the retreat.

        Katie brought new ideas that truly raised the bar in improving student involvement and program organization.
        Although I continued to harass her throughout the retreat as I always do, she nevertheless persevered. She was a joy to work with and returned my barbs in equal measure.  Katie made the retreat enjoyable for the staff as much as the students.

        Additionally, Katie provided a unique perspective as a member of the Morality panel.
        I have been involved in a number of Confirmation retreats on Okinawa and Camp Lejeune, and this past weekend's was by far the best.

        You can be very proud of Katie; she exhibited outstanding leadership and spiritual excitement throughout…your parental efforts have paid off!

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Woohoo, Katie!  It is refreshing to hear positive things about your child from another adult.  I wish I had been there to see her performance myself.  All the while knowing that she is probably a very different person away from home.  It is good to know as she nears adulthood, that she is letting her God-given gifts keep her on the right path, and is sharing her faith with others.

A place to hang our hats..........

We still don't know where or if we are moving this summer.  I have read "Home Buying for Dummies" from cover to cover, and I have researched houses and housing costs and school districts from Colorado to Virginia.  I have asked friends for input on buying a house, and for neighborhood information.  I have a friend who is a realtor in Northern VA, and I know if we go there, she would be a tremendous help.  While I have researched our Basic Allowance For Housing rates at our potential duty stations, I realize there are a lot of costs associated with home ownership that we haven't had since living in base housing.  We are not handy people, so a fixer-upper would not be a good choice for us.  We haven't paid for utilities in a long time!  Closing costs and a home inspection can be expensive.  Buying a home in an area we might not stay in for more than a few years is a risk.  But I am excited about the possibilities!  It would be nice to have a home big enough for all of us (but not too big....).  Colleen and Megan have chosen their sibling roommates, and drawn their future bedroom floor plans.   It still looks like there are plenty of houses on the market that we can afford.  School districts are a big consideration, especially since I would like Mick to continue to in inclusion classes.   We used to say that we would only send our kids to Catholic schools, but were soured by our experience with the local Catholic elementary school last time we lived here.  Now with two kids needing special ed services (one middle school, one elementary), I think they are better served in public school.  I don't think a private school would even take Mick, but I don't know.  I did hear of a brand new Catholic High School, John Paul the Great, opening up in Dumphries, VA, near Quantico.  If it were affordable, that might be a good place to send Molly and Jack if we do end up stationed there.  I am ready to move!

The Infirmary....

Kiley has been sick since Tuesday.  At first I thought it was because I changed her formula.  She has had diarrhea and hasn't been able to keep anything down.  I should have known better than to bring her with me to Megan's biography presentation yesterday.  I left wearing 8 oz of reconstituted formula.   I was at the dentist this afternoon when the school nurse called to let me know that Megan was in her office, having just thrown up her lunch.  When we got home from picking her up, Mick was vomiting, and now Colleen is in the bathroom saying her tummy hurts.  When one of the kids is sick like this, I generally sleep on one of the couches downstairs, and the sick kid sleeps on the other.  It is next to impossible to get down from the top bunk or from a loft bed in time to reach the bathroom, and I have enough laundry thank you very much!  Anyhow, I am not sure what the sleeping arrangements will be tonight - we have only two couches in the living room.  I've already spot steam-cleaned the carpet twice since 3p.m., but I don't know that I want to sleep on the floor!  And the next couches I buy will be leather!!!!   

I hope 3 bottles of ginger-ale and 2 boxes of saltines will be enough.  They are dropping like flies..............

 

Update

I got a phone call this morning from the assistant principal at school that some kid kicked Jack in class, Jack is OK, but they wanted me to be aware that they handled it at school so that when Jack comes home to tell me about it, I will know it was addressed.  I am so tired of this..............  On Monday, I did speak to the mom of the boy who put Jack's name on that slide show.  She said he not only got suspended from school for three days, but that he's being punished at home as well, since he pulled that site up at home, she saw it, told him never to access it again, and locked their home computer.  She said that she was as horrified as I was at the pictures, but that her son told her he didn't mean to make Jack feel threatened.  Threatening or not, it's just an ugly example of man's inhumanity to man.  His mom said he's been targeted by bullies, too, and that is why they moved into base housing - to get out of his old school where kids were picking on him.   She said that she told him she expects him to apologize to Jack when he gets back to school.  A few minutes later, she told me that her son has Oppositional Defiance Disorder, which she explained means that repercussions don't always keep him from repeating the same behavior.  Maybe he's the kid who kicked Jack at school today?!  If any good has come from all of this, that site is no longer accessible.  I wrote an email to the owner of Aninote.com, telling him that his "creative genius" was being used for kids to bully each other, and that it was sick for anyone to find humor in photos of helpless people and animals being tortured or harmed.  He never responded, but the site isn't working currently.  Sigh.............

Sometimes I think I should just pull Jack out of school and home school him.  Lots of my friends have a ton of kids and home school all of their children.  Surely I could handle just one?  But, social maturity and appropriateness are things I feel he will only learn if he is in a setting with other kids his age.  He has to learn to get along.  He has behaviors that others find annoying (amusing side note:  Katie and Molly are always telling him how he should act, and what he's doing wrong, but they both wrote emails to the principal of his school when they saw the slide show, expressing their indignation and demanding retribution for their brother).  And, if I pulled him out from school, Timmy would be demanding to follow behind him.  Timmy was home yesterday with an ear infection and I took him to the Dr.  The Dr said it actually looks like it is clearing itself up, but this morning, Timmy had a "headache, stomachache, his feet hurt, etc.....)  He isn't so fond of school, although he hasn't had any problems with any of the other kids.  He struggles with some of his subjects, but he is actually doing a whole lot better than I had expected when school started this year.  His team teachers seem to be implementing the accomodations he has on his IEP, and I think that's helping him.  Jack, on the other hand, actually enjoys learning, and gets decent grades.  It's a shame that his school experience is marred by a few bad apples.

My husband still isn't sure if he wants to stay in and try for Col, or retire after his next tour.  We both know we won't be ready by June, when he gives up command, so he's resolved to do at least 2 more years in the Marine Corps.  I have been researching some of the other areas he could be stationed.  I told my husband that I either want to stay here and keep everything the same for the kids (although all these recent events make me think it would be good for Jack to get a fresh start in High School in a different state), or I want to go somewhere we've never been. I am feeling drawn towards Colorado Springs.  I have been in touch with a realtor out there, and there appears to be a good selection of nice houses in our price range ($225-$250K, vs $500K in Northern VA).  Northcom and the Department of Homeland Security are both in Colorado Springs.  If we like it there, maybe he could retire and slide into a DHS job.  It would be a much easier decision to make if we didn't have so many moving parts!  Katie graduates this year, and has applied to Americorps.  If she isn't selected to serve, she says she wants to stay here.  But, she can't support herself, and all her friends will be going to college, so if we move, she kind of has to move with us.  She says she does NOT want to do that, and I can't say I blame her, but she would have the option to go to college at our next duty station where she could meet people her own age.  Molly wants to stay here and continue in the ROTC program, since she is progressing well, and doesn't want to lose her rank/status if she enters another school's program.  Or she wants to go to Pensacola (2 friends are moving there this summer).  Not an option for us.  Jack seems happy that we'll be getting away from the coast - and it would be nice for him to start fresh in a High School where his past problems won't follow him.  Timmy's been watching "Haunting" after school everyday, and he says he doesn't want us to buy a house because if might be haunted!  Plus, after almost 5 years, he finally has not one but two friends in the neighborhood.  It isn't easy for him to make friends, and he doesn't need a lot, but it certainly makes him a happier kid!  Megan is ambivalent about moving - she makes friends easily, and one of her best friends is moving this summer anyhow.  Colleen says she's OK with moving as long as we move somewhere else that has 7 year old girls to play with.  Shane hasn't expressed much of an opinion, except that he'd like to live near a zoo.  And gorillas.  Mick is in his second year of preK with the same teacher, who I love.  He is enjoying therapeutic horseback riding.  I have contacted the DS support group of Colorado Springs to get info about the local schools and to find out which have better services for kids with special needs.  Kiley is a baby.  She'll go where we go and never know the difference.  She's the easy one.........

So, we are either looking at nothing changing, or everything changing.  It could stay the same,  or Tim could come home tomorrow and say there is an opening somewhere that we never imagined living.  Or, he could end up deploying to Iraq or Afghanistan for 7 months or a year.  We'd stay here if that happened.  But, we can't stay here forever, and I am ready to do something different.  I have faith that we'll be able to figure out what is supposed to come next.  But it would be nice to know that NOW!!!!!!!

Bullying

 I just sent this email to the principal of my sons' middle school:

Mrs xxxxxx,

This evening, Jack left a note on my computer desk with a link to a webpage, and
the words, "I told you they were against me."  According to him, today
at school a bunch of kids were gathered around a computer screen looking at it and
laughing, they called him over to see it and said it is about him.  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you can imagine how this has made him feel, and I am pretty incensed myself
that someone would put this together and publish it.  The bullying continues.  The
fact that he didn't tell me about it until this evening lets me know he has 
been processing it all day.  

Obviously, this needs to be addressed, and I do hope that those who are responsible
will be held accountable.  Please let me know how it is going to be handled.  

http://jack.justgotowned.com/

Thank you,

I don't even know how to describe my feelings at this moment.  If you watched the video you can probably guess.  I think I am done 

crying, at least for now.  MY son was suspended last year for this kind of crap. (see prior entry) He was the VICTIM.  He continues

to be bullied.  What kind of SICK kids think this is funny?  I don't generally swear, but what the hell?!  I expect I'll get a phone call

first thing in the morning, requesting that Jack be brought in to name names and explain exactly what happened.  This took place in 

his homeroom.  Where was the teacher?  When I asked Jack what his own reaction was at the time, he told me that he just gave a fake 

laugh and walked away, but my heart hurts for him, and how he must have felt.  I have questions of my own : Will these kids be inter-

rogated by the military police like he was last year?  Will any of them get suspended and have to show proof from a psychologist that

they are not a threat to themselves or others?  Will their parents be forced to watch this clip so that they can see what their kids 

"created"?  The whole thing makes me sad, angry, frustrated, and generally sick to my stomach that ANYONE would think this is at all 

amusing.  What kind of kids are we raising who take pleasure in others' pain?  What kind of adults/teachers/school staff do we have who 

blame this behavior on : spring fever, restlessness, hormones, boredom, low self-esteem (sorry if I don't accept that someone else's 

kid's feelings of inferiority give them an excuse to torment MY kid!)  It doesn't make me or my son feel better to hear that he is not 

the only one.  So address the problem already!!!!!!!!  Evidence shows that bullying begets bullies - the whole "eat or be eaten" mindset.  

The problem does not go away if the solution is only to teach the victim to walk away, or to talk to a counselor, or to take martial arts 

to help build up their confidence and self-esteem (Jack does all of these things).  What is the solution?  How about holding the bullies

accountable?  I can't protect my kids from all the harshness of the world.  But when did the ugliness start so young?

Fifteen....

To be fifteen again.  Would I want that?  Maybe, sometimes, usually, NO!   My second daughter is 15.  She is  a good kid. One of the things that I admire most about her is that she does not pre-judge.  She is the kind of person who stands up for the underdog.  It is not important to her to be "popular".   She sometimes choses friends who are "broken".  Sometimes this makes us, her parents, wary.  It can be scary to think that she may be influenced by people who don't share our values.  Or that she may be caught up in the drama of her friend's situations and end up scarred from the experience.  But, in talking to her about her friends, situations at school, and what life is like as a teenager now days, I am pleased to say that I am fairly confident that she will make the right choices.  I don't mean to imply that she won't make mistakes, or that the "dark side" won't sometimes appeal to her.  As her parents, it is our job to protect her from as much as we can, but just as importantly, to pick her up when she falls, and to make her feel safe. 

I want all of my kids to feel that their home is their haven.  That while we will enforce our rules, we will do so with love.  I so often see or hear of teenagers who run away, or who get mixed up with drugs or alcohol, or who resort to hurting themselves because they don't feel safe, or loved.  Some of this is typical of the age, and the level of maturity, which varies among teenagers. 

I wish I could say that our house is a garden of sunshine, with nothing but happiness.  I wish I could say that we all supported and loved each other all of the time, unconditionally.  I wish everyone had patience, and treated one another with nothing but respect, all of the time.  I probably say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all", and "treat others as you want to be treated" a million times a week.  If I had one thing about my family, and my home that I could change, it would be this.  I have a good friend who says she does not allow her two kids to be mean to each other.  I used to think that was impossible to control, but I have seen them in action.  They get on each other's nerves, but they are very good at counting to 10,or taking time-outs, or whatever they need to do to regain control.  I have never heard them insult each other, or even raise their voices.  They are also teenagers.  Their family dynamics are different than ours (there are only two kids, a boy and girl, 4 years apart), but it works for them, and I greatly admire that.  It is something to aspire to.

 

 

This is good......

 One day a mother died.

And on that clear, cold morning,
In the warmth of her bedroom,
The daughter was struck with
The pain of learning that sometimes
There isn't any more.

No more hugs,
No more lucky moments to celebrate together,
No more phone calls just to chat,
No more "just one minute"

Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.
Never to return before we can say good-bye,
Say "I Love You."

So while we have it . . it's best we love it . .
And care for it and fix it when it's broken
And take good care of it when it's sick.

This is true for marriage ... And friendships ..

And children with bad report cards;

And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents
We keep them because they are worth it,
Because we cherish them!

Some things we keep --
Like a best friend who moved away
Or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that
Make us happy, No matter what.

Life is important,
And so are the people we know
And so, we keep them close!

Crossroads coming...........

My husband is in a good place.  He has just over 20 years in the Marine Corps.  He could retire whenever he is ready.  His ultimate goal when he chose to be a Marine was to attain Lt Col, and to command an artillery battalion.  He has done both.  Now, he is trying to decide if he wants to stay in and try to make colonel, or get out and do something else.  I am not sure what I want, only that I know if he is happy, I will be happy. When he isn't happy, if affects all of us.  I can say that I am a little tired of deployments - I don't like being a single parent, nor do I think I do an especially good job at it.  The sacrifices we have made have all been worth it so far.  I do love the life we've had being a Marine Corps family.  We have met some pretty incredible people and have made forever friends.  There is a security in this life that I am not sure is as easy to come by in the "real" world.  I feel an enormous sense of pride in what my husband has accomplished, and in the kind of man he is.  He is a Marine's Marine in every sense of the word, and I am not sure what career/job  he would be as happy or derive as much personal satisfaction doing.  He's not either.  So we wait.  Wait to see what the future holds for our family.  A little scary, equally exciting.  We will be doing a lot of praying to discern what God wants us to do next..........