Fifteen....

To be fifteen again.  Would I want that?  Maybe, sometimes, usually, NO!   My second daughter is 15.  She is  a good kid. One of the things that I admire most about her is that she does not pre-judge.  She is the kind of person who stands up for the underdog.  It is not important to her to be "popular".   She sometimes choses friends who are "broken".  Sometimes this makes us, her parents, wary.  It can be scary to think that she may be influenced by people who don't share our values.  Or that she may be caught up in the drama of her friend's situations and end up scarred from the experience.  But, in talking to her about her friends, situations at school, and what life is like as a teenager now days, I am pleased to say that I am fairly confident that she will make the right choices.  I don't mean to imply that she won't make mistakes, or that the "dark side" won't sometimes appeal to her.  As her parents, it is our job to protect her from as much as we can, but just as importantly, to pick her up when she falls, and to make her feel safe. 

I want all of my kids to feel that their home is their haven.  That while we will enforce our rules, we will do so with love.  I so often see or hear of teenagers who run away, or who get mixed up with drugs or alcohol, or who resort to hurting themselves because they don't feel safe, or loved.  Some of this is typical of the age, and the level of maturity, which varies among teenagers. 

I wish I could say that our house is a garden of sunshine, with nothing but happiness.  I wish I could say that we all supported and loved each other all of the time, unconditionally.  I wish everyone had patience, and treated one another with nothing but respect, all of the time.  I probably say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all", and "treat others as you want to be treated" a million times a week.  If I had one thing about my family, and my home that I could change, it would be this.  I have a good friend who says she does not allow her two kids to be mean to each other.  I used to think that was impossible to control, but I have seen them in action.  They get on each other's nerves, but they are very good at counting to 10,or taking time-outs, or whatever they need to do to regain control.  I have never heard them insult each other, or even raise their voices.  They are also teenagers.  Their family dynamics are different than ours (there are only two kids, a boy and girl, 4 years apart), but it works for them, and I greatly admire that.  It is something to aspire to.