Just DON'T Do It!

I have teenagers. Two boys and two girls. I try to keep a regular, open dialog with them about delicate matters. Most of the time, they don't say much, and I talk on and on and on. I am pretty sure what they hear is "Sex.......blah blah blah blah blah." It is my hope that some of the words I say are being filed away in the back of their minds for future reference. We live in a society which promotes promiscuity, and it is hard to have the TV on without dozens of sexual references thrown at you during the course of a single "family" show. Commercials are no better. I sometimes laugh when I imagine what my father's reaction would be to all the viagra type commercials that are on, if he were still alive. No one is shocked by any of this anymore! I know why my friends don't have cable! I would cancel our cable this minute if I could get my husband to agree. And it isn't so much that I want to shelter my kids from the real world, I just don't want them to grow up accepting the world's view of sexuality. And when it's shoved in your face at every opportunity, it is hard to ignore.

The way I try to explain it to my kids is that sexuality is all a huge part of God's grand plan. Those who don't believe in God would surely disagree, but to me, it could not be more obvious. When sex is saved for a marital relationship, it is a wonderful, beautiful, grace-giving act. There is a reason that we are supposed to "save ourselves" for marriage. It is the greatest gift you can give to someone else, an intimacy that there is no substitute for. When you take God out of the picture, often times, sex is just recreation and exercise. It is so easy to feel used and abused by someone who is just looking to score. So much heartache and ugliness can come from sex outside of marriage. Sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy are not the least of them. I tell my kids that every child deserves to have a mother and father who are committed to him, and committed to each other. Today, with probably more than 50% of children being born out of wedlock, that committment is not present. Then there are single parents, who may or may not be able to support a child. It is always the child who suffers.

I say this like I have all the answers. I surely do not! It is not enough to tell your kids, "Don't have sex!" They need to be watched like hawks! And not given the opportunity to be in a position where they might lose control. Group dating is always a good idea! And so is open dialog. So is knowing your kids friends and making them feel comfortable in your home, so they will want to be there instead of off in a car somewhere. And, I personally hate the mindset that "They are going to do it anyhow, so you need to provide them with birth control." As Catholics, we believe that birth control is another way of keeping God out of sex - preventing the life that might result from an act designed by Him to create life. If you are married, presumably you are committed to one another, and should be committed to any gifts that come from the love you share with your spouse. Again, I know there are those who will disagree. I also know I am fortunate to have a husband who shares my views. We are certainly swimming against the tide on this one! I have many moments when I think it would be easier to swim with the tide. But, then I wouldn't be so richly blessed. I am not so naive to think that my own children will not struggle with these issues. I hope that when they do, they will remember some of the things I've tried to share with them. A phrase I have said to each of them more than once is "I will help you up when you fall, but I will not hold your hand when you jump." I won't tell them to do or not to do one thing, but then support them if they choose to do it anyhow. And, I will pray for them to always have the wisdom to choose wisely, and for me to guide them with love.