Last week was rough. I learned that Tim's vehicle hit an IED and was destroyed. He was not in it at the time, but several of his PSD team were (you know, the young guys, with the young wives). Fortunately, none were hurt badly - just cuts and scrapes. We tend to think that these things only happen to other people, but that was a bit too close for comfort.
My son is a big kid. He is not a typical boy - he is not competitive, and he has no interest in sports. He is happiest with one or two close friends, and doesn't hang out in a crowd. He also has a hot-button temper, which other kids seem to detect early on. For several years now, he has been the target of kids who like to make him mad. Granted, that isn't difficult to do, and he has been receiving counseling for his anger issues, but last week he was suspended from school for 5 days for "making a threat to another child". This was a girl on the bus who made a derogatory comment to him about his weight. On the bus, he has been enduring kids shooting rubber bands at the back of his neck, throwing paper at him, tripping him, snatching his backpack, and calling him names like "fattie" and "faggot". My advice to him has been to tell them to stop, to switch seats, and to ignore them. And the bullying continued. He composed a list in one of his notebooks of "People I want to Kill". Yes, this sounds alarming, especially in light of Columbine, and most recently, the shootings at VA Tech. It would have been smarter to title it "People who Bug Me" I suppose. But, he is 12. And he was writing down his feelings as a non-violent way of dealing with them. He drew a picture of a giant squid eating a stick figure. No pictures of guns, or knives, or blood. Anyhow, he added this girl's name to his list, everyone saw it, and suddenly he had a "KILL BOOK". Several kids went home and told their parents, and several parents called the school. I was fortunate enough to have gotten a call from one of the moms who knows me on Friday afternoon, so I was prepared for the phone call that came from the school on Monday morning. I had to go into the school, meet with the military police and a criminal investigator, theprincipal and both vice-principals. I told them all what had been going on, and the frustration my son has felt. They asked me why he didn't ever come to any of the school staff about this. I told them that he told me that he thought if they knew he snitched, the bullying would get worse, just more discrete. I am pretty sure most kids would feel this way. I did call a counselor last year after one particular child smacked my son one too many times, and that counselor did call the kid on it. I should have called the school earlier, or at least spoken to the bus driver about it before now. (When I asked her last week if she was aware of what has been happening on the bus, she told me, no, not till last Friday, but that she had wondered where the rubber bands were coming from that she cleaned off the bus at the end of every day). My son, though, always asked me not to call the school or get involved, that he wanted to handle things himself. I respected that, and now I have some guilt that I didn't address it sooner. After the MPs read my son his rights and questioned him, and took pictures of his notebook and the list, they left, my son went to another room, and the principal told me he would be suspended until a psychologist would sign something saying he is not a threat to himself or others. Fortunately, we were able to get in to see his counselor that afternoon. The counselor's first question was, "What are they doing to address the kids who make him feel this way?" I had asked the principal that question earlier, and he told me they would deal with it when my son got back to school, the next week. Well, the more I thought about it, the madder I got (runs in the family!). I emailed the principal and told him that if this was serious enough to get my son suspended, it was serious enough to make sure the bullies and their parents were addressed - while my son was not in school. I knew that people were talking about the incident, and I also knew most, if not all of them did not know the whole story. I am happy to say that the principal agreed to that, and did bring kids and parents in, after sitting down with us and getting specific information from him. I am not sure that he would have done so, as soon, if I had not insisted, but I am glad I did, and he did. According to the principal, the kids admitted to the principal and their parents a lot of what my son said they'd been doing. I am not sure what, if any discipline they face at the school, but I do hope that their parents will take action to be sure they knock it off. My son is back in school, with the understanding that he can go to any number of staff members and the school if there are any future problems. So far, he says things are OK. Sigh. Through this whole painful week, I am thankful for the friends I can talk to about this. The ones who don't pretend their own kids are perfect, and the ones who recognize that while my son may have "issues", he is also a good kid, with good qualities, and they aren't afraid to tell him, or me that they feel that way.
On a much more positive note, I got a new washer and dryer last week. The super-sized front loading machines. My old dryer started smoking and nearly caught on fire, so I took that as my sign to buy the machines I've been wanting (I swear I didn't tamper with the dryer - I am sure it was the 5 years of accumulated lint!) My mom even sent me $1000.00 towards their purchase price. I love my mom. These machines have changed my life, and despite all the turmoil, and meetings, and appts I had last week while dealing with the school and the counselor, etc, I had no laundry back up. You can see the floor in my laundry room and it is actually clean!!!! That was enough to bring a smile to my face and hope to my heart when I was struggling with guilt and sadness over my son's situation. Life truly has its share of ups and downs.........
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