I think far worse than the inability to handle the truth, is the inability to recognize the truth.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
To New Orleans
My husband and oldest daughter are on their way to New Orleans, where she will be working for Habitat for Humanity. She has been home for just a little under one month, since graduating from her year with Americorps NCCC. Her new job will be for 10-12 months, and she will earn an additional education award, finishing with almost $10,000. for college. We are so proud of her! Mostly because she is taking the initiative, the "road less traveled" and doing something good for others. It is demanding work, the pay is minimal, but those things don't matter much when you are 19 and idealistic! She is getting a clearer idea of what she wants to pursue afterwards, and it is all good.
When we were discussing her trip to her new job, my husband and I agreed that one of us should accompany her down there. We bought her a used car, and she is still a relatively new driver, and it is 17 hours away. I loved the idea of driving with her, and having that time alone with just her (a rarity in a big family!). She has matured so much this year, and it is exciting to hear about her adventures, and to have some insight into how she views the world. It is still hard to believe that she is on her own. Wasn't she just a curly headed 2 year old who knew all the "Bob" jokes? When my husband was able to coordinate his schedule so that he would have the next two days off, he said that he would be the one driving with her. When I told Katie this, she said, "Why doesn't he stay home with the kids so you can come? Just tell him you want to come!" I explained to her that he is the better choice in case there was a problem with the car, and that she'd be safer with him, too. I also knew that he would be out of his mind worrying about our safety if he was staying at home. She told me that nothing would happen to us, and that I should just "Tell him not to worry." I was flattered that she wanted me to accompany her, especially since she has a better relationship with him than she does with me, but I told her that he knows what is best, and that in a marriage, sometimes you have to concede to your spouse, even if you don't necessarily agree. She said something to the effect of, " That won't happen in any marriage I'm in!" Which made me laugh.
One of the things that I love best about my husband is that he puts his family first. And he takes care of his girls (including me). I don't mean to imply that we can't take care of ourselves, or that we are weak helpless females. Just that he feels and acts on his responsibilty to be the head of the house, the protector and defender of his family. So much like my dad was that way. I have known him for 25 years now. He is the most honorable man I know. I have never questioned his devotion to me or our marriage or our family. And when you have that, it's no big sacrifice to let your spouse take the lead, or have the last word. Trying to explain that to a 19 year old is challenging. My hope is that one day, she and my other girls will find men who are even 1/2 as devoted as their dad is to me, and to us. If they are that lucky, they will be happy!
When we were discussing her trip to her new job, my husband and I agreed that one of us should accompany her down there. We bought her a used car, and she is still a relatively new driver, and it is 17 hours away. I loved the idea of driving with her, and having that time alone with just her (a rarity in a big family!). She has matured so much this year, and it is exciting to hear about her adventures, and to have some insight into how she views the world. It is still hard to believe that she is on her own. Wasn't she just a curly headed 2 year old who knew all the "Bob" jokes? When my husband was able to coordinate his schedule so that he would have the next two days off, he said that he would be the one driving with her. When I told Katie this, she said, "Why doesn't he stay home with the kids so you can come? Just tell him you want to come!" I explained to her that he is the better choice in case there was a problem with the car, and that she'd be safer with him, too. I also knew that he would be out of his mind worrying about our safety if he was staying at home. She told me that nothing would happen to us, and that I should just "Tell him not to worry." I was flattered that she wanted me to accompany her, especially since she has a better relationship with him than she does with me, but I told her that he knows what is best, and that in a marriage, sometimes you have to concede to your spouse, even if you don't necessarily agree. She said something to the effect of, " That won't happen in any marriage I'm in!" Which made me laugh.
One of the things that I love best about my husband is that he puts his family first. And he takes care of his girls (including me). I don't mean to imply that we can't take care of ourselves, or that we are weak helpless females. Just that he feels and acts on his responsibilty to be the head of the house, the protector and defender of his family. So much like my dad was that way. I have known him for 25 years now. He is the most honorable man I know. I have never questioned his devotion to me or our marriage or our family. And when you have that, it's no big sacrifice to let your spouse take the lead, or have the last word. Trying to explain that to a 19 year old is challenging. My hope is that one day, she and my other girls will find men who are even 1/2 as devoted as their dad is to me, and to us. If they are that lucky, they will be happy!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Just DON'T Do It!
I have teenagers. Two boys and two girls. I try to keep a regular, open dialog with them about delicate matters. Most of the time, they don't say much, and I talk on and on and on. I am pretty sure what they hear is "Sex.......blah blah blah blah blah." It is my hope that some of the words I say are being filed away in the back of their minds for future reference. We live in a society which promotes promiscuity, and it is hard to have the TV on without dozens of sexual references thrown at you during the course of a single "family" show. Commercials are no better. I sometimes laugh when I imagine what my father's reaction would be to all the viagra type commercials that are on, if he were still alive. No one is shocked by any of this anymore! I know why my friends don't have cable! I would cancel our cable this minute if I could get my husband to agree. And it isn't so much that I want to shelter my kids from the real world, I just don't want them to grow up accepting the world's view of sexuality. And when it's shoved in your face at every opportunity, it is hard to ignore.
The way I try to explain it to my kids is that sexuality is all a huge part of God's grand plan. Those who don't believe in God would surely disagree, but to me, it could not be more obvious. When sex is saved for a marital relationship, it is a wonderful, beautiful, grace-giving act. There is a reason that we are supposed to "save ourselves" for marriage. It is the greatest gift you can give to someone else, an intimacy that there is no substitute for. When you take God out of the picture, often times, sex is just recreation and exercise. It is so easy to feel used and abused by someone who is just looking to score. So much heartache and ugliness can come from sex outside of marriage. Sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy are not the least of them. I tell my kids that every child deserves to have a mother and father who are committed to him, and committed to each other. Today, with probably more than 50% of children being born out of wedlock, that committment is not present. Then there are single parents, who may or may not be able to support a child. It is always the child who suffers.
I say this like I have all the answers. I surely do not! It is not enough to tell your kids, "Don't have sex!" They need to be watched like hawks! And not given the opportunity to be in a position where they might lose control. Group dating is always a good idea! And so is open dialog. So is knowing your kids friends and making them feel comfortable in your home, so they will want to be there instead of off in a car somewhere. And, I personally hate the mindset that "They are going to do it anyhow, so you need to provide them with birth control." As Catholics, we believe that birth control is another way of keeping God out of sex - preventing the life that might result from an act designed by Him to create life. If you are married, presumably you are committed to one another, and should be committed to any gifts that come from the love you share with your spouse. Again, I know there are those who will disagree. I also know I am fortunate to have a husband who shares my views. We are certainly swimming against the tide on this one! I have many moments when I think it would be easier to swim with the tide. But, then I wouldn't be so richly blessed. I am not so naive to think that my own children will not struggle with these issues. I hope that when they do, they will remember some of the things I've tried to share with them. A phrase I have said to each of them more than once is "I will help you up when you fall, but I will not hold your hand when you jump." I won't tell them to do or not to do one thing, but then support them if they choose to do it anyhow. And, I will pray for them to always have the wisdom to choose wisely, and for me to guide them with love.
The way I try to explain it to my kids is that sexuality is all a huge part of God's grand plan. Those who don't believe in God would surely disagree, but to me, it could not be more obvious. When sex is saved for a marital relationship, it is a wonderful, beautiful, grace-giving act. There is a reason that we are supposed to "save ourselves" for marriage. It is the greatest gift you can give to someone else, an intimacy that there is no substitute for. When you take God out of the picture, often times, sex is just recreation and exercise. It is so easy to feel used and abused by someone who is just looking to score. So much heartache and ugliness can come from sex outside of marriage. Sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy are not the least of them. I tell my kids that every child deserves to have a mother and father who are committed to him, and committed to each other. Today, with probably more than 50% of children being born out of wedlock, that committment is not present. Then there are single parents, who may or may not be able to support a child. It is always the child who suffers.
I say this like I have all the answers. I surely do not! It is not enough to tell your kids, "Don't have sex!" They need to be watched like hawks! And not given the opportunity to be in a position where they might lose control. Group dating is always a good idea! And so is open dialog. So is knowing your kids friends and making them feel comfortable in your home, so they will want to be there instead of off in a car somewhere. And, I personally hate the mindset that "They are going to do it anyhow, so you need to provide them with birth control." As Catholics, we believe that birth control is another way of keeping God out of sex - preventing the life that might result from an act designed by Him to create life. If you are married, presumably you are committed to one another, and should be committed to any gifts that come from the love you share with your spouse. Again, I know there are those who will disagree. I also know I am fortunate to have a husband who shares my views. We are certainly swimming against the tide on this one! I have many moments when I think it would be easier to swim with the tide. But, then I wouldn't be so richly blessed. I am not so naive to think that my own children will not struggle with these issues. I hope that when they do, they will remember some of the things I've tried to share with them. A phrase I have said to each of them more than once is "I will help you up when you fall, but I will not hold your hand when you jump." I won't tell them to do or not to do one thing, but then support them if they choose to do it anyhow. And, I will pray for them to always have the wisdom to choose wisely, and for me to guide them with love.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Just Do It!
Three little words. Just Do It. I have so many ideas running around inside my head for things I would like to acomplish personally, and projects around the house. None of these things are unattainable, but I realized that one of my problems is that I feel if I can't do something perfectly, I am much less likely to attempt it at all. Oh, I'll buy the supplies and read the instructions, or I'll read the magazines, watch the videos and buy the cute workout clothes, but when it comes down to actually taking steps towards a goal, I hesitate, or I stall out halfway through. Which is frustrating, (more so for those who live with me, I'm sure) but I have no one to blame but myself! I decorated the little boys' room last year, and am pleased with the results. At the same time, I bought supplies and hatched a plan for Megan and Colleen's room : a garden/treehouse theme. The other day, my neighbor dropped off a dresser which she got from someone who was moving. It had already been stripped of paint, but the owner abandoned the project, and just wanted the dresser gone. It was the perfect size to replace Colleen's dresser, so I decided to make it a project for Colleen and me to do together. It was fun! We covered the picnic table on the deck with old sheets, and set to work. I bought a sheet of plywood to fit the back of the dresser, and new knobs. Colleen helped to nail the back on, and we painted it together. Part of me really didn't want her to paint, since she's a novice, and she has a tendency to overload her brush and slap it on. But when I saw how much fun she was having, I realized that it is her dresser, and it didn't matter if it wasn't perfect. And, I am not a perfect painter either! We'll pressure wash the extra paint of the deck later..........the important thing was, we were making progress towards the girls' room, finally! And we were having fun doing something together. It was kind of a lightbulb moment for me. FLYLADY says, "Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family". This can apply to so many areas of my life. I am using this revelation to tackle some things I've been putting off or haven't finished yet. Yes, the trim around the door would look best if the paint was stripped and sanded first, but it will still look better with another coat of paint. Will anyone besides me notice that it isn't perfectly smooth? Will anyone care? On a personal note, I cannot run a mile, but I can walk 2 miles in 20 minutes. So I am headed to the track with the kids, bearing in mind that exercise can be fun, family time, and everything I do from this point on is progress! Perfection is over-rated and maybe impossible, but progress is satisfying!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Reunion!
I just got an invite to my 25 year high school reunion. In October. 4 months to get into shape. Can I do it? I think I can!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Mistaken identity
Do you think we could keep the container of fish bait in a different location than the tub of margerine? I'm just asking.......
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Makeup....with a PS
I got a call a little while ago from my neighbor across the back (the one who "enjoys" the noise my children make in the yard). She sells Mary Kay. She announced this at the luncheon, and I did mention at that time that I could certainly use some help in the makeup department. She called me and asked what my favorite MaryKay product is. I don't have a favorite, I haven't bought a lot of MaryKay (sorry Meredith!). She told me that if I could get 4 ladies (she specified "over 18" I suppose so that I wouldn't bring my four daughters at home who would most definitely not be paying customers) to come to her house Friday evening, I would get $50 in free products. So, I emailed my friends who live locally, not really expecting any of them to come at such short notice. I am not a salesperson. I tend to invite people to this sort of thing wanting to say, "Please come, if you have absolutely nothing better to do like wash your hair or vacuum". I always cringe a little when asked to host a show because I feel like it is implied that if you come you must make a purchase - and I don't like to ask my friends to spend money just so I can get something free or at a discount. I don't care what anyone says, isn't that the "right" thing to do? I know I always make a purchase - in fact I seem to always find at least a few things I "can't live without". And, I do enjoy going to home parties - I like hanging out with the ladies, sampling products, and there are definitely some products or lines that sell themselves. I am just not sure that Mary Kay is one of them - do they have a product that will take 10 years off my face? For under $5? Probably not. Is their mascara or blush, or eye makeup any better than what you can get at the Maybelline section in Walmart? I do need advice (coaching) in the application of makeup, and what colors work, and what don't. The bloom is definitely off the rose and if it comes in a bottle or a color pallette that will make the most of what I have, I suppose it's worth it. Just don't ask me to sell it to someone else!
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My friend says it best here, summing up a conversation she had with a friend who was trying to get her to start her own home-based business: "why are we always so reluctant to do direct marketing when we really believe in the product?"... I replied, " because we have all been at a tupperware, MK, Avon, basketpeople .... fill in the blank party and thought "what's the least I can spend on something I don't really want or need to support my friends goal without looking too cheap?" I, for one, don't want to put my friends in that awkward position ... it doesn't matter how many times you announce, "no pressure" with a smile. There is pressure."
I don't mean to imply that there aren't profitable businesses out there. Or good products to buy! Or wonderful salespeople who truly believe in their products! Only that when you are trying to live within a budget, you can't say yes to everything! And, that I am glad that I for one, don't have to make my living in sales........I am not good at it.
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My friend says it best here, summing up a conversation she had with a friend who was trying to get her to start her own home-based business: "why are we always so reluctant to do direct marketing when we really believe in the product?"... I replied, " because we have all been at a tupperware, MK, Avon, basketpeople .... fill in the blank party and thought "what's the least I can spend on something I don't really want or need to support my friends goal without looking too cheap?" I, for one, don't want to put my friends in that awkward position ... it doesn't matter how many times you announce, "no pressure" with a smile. There is pressure."
I don't mean to imply that there aren't profitable businesses out there. Or good products to buy! Or wonderful salespeople who truly believe in their products! Only that when you are trying to live within a budget, you can't say yes to everything! And, that I am glad that I for one, don't have to make my living in sales........I am not good at it.
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