Roots and Wings

Growing up, I often heard that famous quote, “A parent’s job is to give their children two things, one is roots, the other, wings.” I believe my parents were successful in this endeavor. Suddenly, without warning, I find myself the mother of two girls, young adults, really, who want to spread their wings, and I am almost certain that only yesterday I was sending them off to pre-K and 1st grade! When you hit 40, all those clichés about age, and wisdom, and fleeting time seem to come true, sometimes all at once!


My oldest daughter just finished her second year in the Americorps program. She spent the last year working exclusively with Habitat For Humanity in New Orleans. I flew down there last week and she showed me some of the houses she had helped to build, and I met her co-workers, friends, and house-mates. I also met a man whose house she had built. She got glowing reviews from all, and it made me proud and happy to see that she did so well. More importantly, I had a greater sense of who she had become since she left home two years ago. Who knew she would love construction? Who knew she would be so happy with so little ($)? I am so very glad she had the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of her labor, and that she has learned at a young age, how good it feels to do for others. She met some amazing people and had some great experiences. She has friends she will keep for life, I suspect. The idealism they all share is such a positive, wonderful thing to behold.


She is now home, trying to figure out how to continue having those experiences, within the confines of a real budget. Sadly, reality bites! She has not gone to college, but wants to do the things the people she graduated from high school are now doing: sharing off-campus apartments, working part time jobs, and attending school. She has committed to sharing an apartment in NC with a friend she’s known for 8 years. I think she expected to find a job in NC with ease, especially with her newfound skills and experience. In the meantime, she is begrudgingly living at home, slowly “smothering”, as she puts it. She continues to send her resume and has said she will do what she has to do to make this happen. Our concern is that she will not make school a priority if she heads to NC, either because she won’t have time with working a full time job to cover her living expenses, or because she just won’t be motivated. School has never been her favorite thing. She’s earned grant money to help pay tuition expenses. We’ve offered to cover her tuition at a community college here to get her started, but she insists that NC is where she needs and wants to be. Which means, if she does start school there sometime before next year, her grant money will go towards tuition that is 3x as much as we would pay for her to go here, since she won’t have a year’s worth of residency in NC. Sigh. The thing is, I totally understand her desire for independence! I admire her determination to do it herself. My husband is the logical one, the planner. I love that about him. But it certainly does not mesh well with her desire to be free! So, then, we bide our time. We will continue to make suggestions, drop hints, offer assistance (within our means and according to our idea of what is best for her). Because that is what parents do. And we PRAY that the right path will become clear to her, and won’t have so many potholes that she falls flat.


And then there is my 18 year old. My daughter who has had a marriage proposal. My husband and I really like this guy. He’s a kind, respectful young man. He has a plan for his life, and he loves and appears to be committed to our daughter. I am happy for her that someone loves her that way. I’ll be even happier if he still feels that way after he has graduated from high school, completed USMC boot camp, and started his career. And, after she has been to college, lived on her own for a bit and learned how to manage her finances! She called me in New Orleans last week to tell me that he had proposed. I asked her if he had formally asked her dad for permission to marry her. She said he had not. After our conversation, she gave the ring back to him and told him that he had to ask us, first. (Good girl!) He confided in me over the weekend that he was trying to make sure he had his speech ready to give my husband, and that he would be able to answer any questions my husband was sure to pose. My husband and I had been discussing the issue and agreed that it would be wise for the two of them to wait at least a year to get engaged, (and a few to get married) and I told her boyfriend this. Turns out, he pretty much expected that is what we would say, and told me he understood our reasoning. I think we are past this hurdle, at least for now. You know what they say about marriage: “You don’t lose a daughter, you gain a son.” As much as I really do like and admire my daughter’s boyfriend, I already have two teenaged sons, thank you very much!


All in all, life continues to be interesting. Parenting does not stop when your kids are legal adults. I am not sure it ever does! And yet, I wouldn’t trade these days, or these experiences for anything in the world. I am so very glad I don’t have to do it alone! Now, if I could just keep my husband from losing his mind……………

Dressing for the occasion

My baby turned 3 last Friday! Shane will be 8 on Easter. One of Kiley's presents was a dress to wear for Easter. Shane said, "Kiley, on Easter, you can wear your Easter dress, and I'll wear my Birthday Suit!" He did not understand why I thought that was so funny. Should make quite an impression at church.................I hope it's warm that day!

Clowning around

So today I got a phonecall from Mick's substitute teacher. She told me Mick was under a table in the classroom and he wouldn't come out. He was laughing and sticking out his tongue and being generally silly and obnoxious and hard to handle. She said she told him she was going to call me, and when she told him I was on the phone, he came out from under the table and picked up the phone. I asked him if he was being naughty, and he said, "Yeah". I told him he needed to listen to his teacher, and that he needed to tell her he was sorry. I heard him say "Sorry" to the teacher, and he gave the phone back to her. When the bus dropped him off this afternoon, the bus assistant told me he was licking his shoes, and was that OK with me? Um. Not usually. Unless of course, he has stepped in some particularly delicious melted ice cream or something.... ugh. So, he went to his room and had to stay there, without an audience, for 15 whole minutes before he could EAT (which is his absolute favorite thing to do in the whole world!). I do believe these silly spells are worse than if he was throwing a fit or having a tantrum, which he rarely does. It is hard not to laugh when he is performing these antics, because he can be funny. For about 30 seconds. But the noodle legs and the silly stuff gets old fast. Knucklehead.

Aging ~

I was paying for a sport's lace for Megan's glasses at the exchange yesterday. I heard the cashier say to me "Do you smell bad?" I gave her a blank (if not slightly dismayed) look, and when she returned it with the same look, I realized that what she had said was, "Do you need a small bag?" Megan and I were laughing as we left, and I was more than slightly relieved when Megan said she had heard the same thing. Because, hey, first it's bifocals, next the memory goes, and then the hearing. I am three for three.

SNOW!!!!!

Lots of it. Feet and inches worth. 4" from a record for Northern Va, in fact. I used to love snow. And snow days. That was before I had 9 kids. That translates to at least 18 pairs of boots, lots of mittens/gloves/hats. Wet socks, and snow pants in every size. Mick has been wearing pink snow pants with purple boots. Not because these are his favorite colors, but because they are what we have that fit him. The kids will have racked up at least 8 days off from school if they go back on Tuesday. Word is that they might have to go on President's Day. The state does not have enough resources to handle this much snow, so many of the side streets have not been plowed. Fortunately, our street is a bit of a thorough-fare, so they plowed it relatively quickly, this time. The school's parking lots have yet to be plowed, and the side streets are not safe for buses. We have all been watching way too much TV and spent much too much time plugged into our various electronic gadgets. The power went out for four hours a few days ago. We kept a fire going in our wood burning stove, cooked hot dogs on top of it, and we all played charades and hangman. It was fun, and made me realize that we don't spend nearly enough time doing fun family things. My husband has been off for the last couple of days, and will be off tomorrow. Since there is no snow predicted, the driveway has been shoveled, and the temps should be ideal, we agreed to get out there and really play with the kids in the snow tomorrow. After all, this is a historical event! I will not stress about the wet clothing or the puddles on the floor, and I will remember what it was like to be a kids and just play!

TAPS....

My husband came home one day last week and told me that he had just heard that a Sgt Major he knew had lost both of his legs in an IED accident in Afganistan just before Christmas. The next day, he called me from work and told me that a Sgt who had been on his provisional security detail team during his last deployment to Iraq, was killed in Afganistan that day. This same Sgt was on site when the Sgt Major I mentioned was injured, and was credited with saving his life. Right now, my husband is in New Jersey, at the wake of the young Sgt, and will attend his funeral tomorrow. Next week, he will go to Bethesda and visit the Sgt Major.



So much of what is in the news seems surreal, until you can put a face to a name of one of the fallen. Sgt Hrbeck and his wife were married at our unit ball in 2007. They were with us at the restaurant the evening that I blogged about on Feb 11 of 2007. They were friends with the couple I wrote about on March 7 of the following year. My husband thought highly of this young Marine, and his passing hit my husband hard. In reading the memorial site published in Sgt Hrbeck's memory, it is plain to see that he was a fun loving, hard charging Marine. And a true hero. In their grief, I hope his family will find comfort knowing that he died doing what he loved, and that his life, though short, was a gift to all who knew him.

New Year, New Post

I did not realize that I haven't posted a single entry since September. My life is so boring and routine, that there has been nothing to write about. NOT!

On October 17th, I re-joined Weight Watchers. By December 17th, I had lost 20 lbs. I am more than happy about this, because that puts me just a little below the weight I was when I lost 20 lbs in the spring/summer of 2008, having gained 17 lbs back between fall and winter of the same year! I am doing the Firm workouts consistently, and determined to reach my goal ( 13lbs to go) by this summer. How nice it would be to not have to keep my towel right by the side of the pool so that I could drop it and pick it up before anyone can see those parts of me which need some work!

Speaking of the pool, we had a fire in the yard in November. One afternoon Jack had put the previous evening's ashes from the woodburning stove in a cardboard box, then put them in one of the trash cans. I went to pick Molly and her friends up at the shopping center a mile away, and when I got home, the trashcan was melted to the ground, there was a huge hole in the one next to it, and the leaves between the fence and the pool had caught fire. When the fire was put out, two of our bushes were toast, about 1/2 of the pool fence was melted, as well as part of the pool cover, which also damaged a small section of the liner. There was a small melted mark on the bumper of the van that was parked in the driveway, and the headlight is bubbled from the heat. I can't even complain about the damage that was done, because it could have been so much worse: if the fire had started at night, the van would probably have burned, catching the garage on fire (including Tim's Jeep). As it was, we didn't have anything damaged that can't be replaced (thanks to homeowner's insurance!), and no one was hurt. I am waiting for the pool guy to come and write up an estimate for the insurance company. We will likely get a new pool liner and hopefully, a better pool cover, when all is said and done.

After all of the testing Timmy had done, besides the dyspraxia, (which the school psych does not believe contributes to his school difficulties), they have determined that he has a processing disorder in math and written expression. My frustration with their "conclusion" is that he has a couple of years' worth of documentation to substantiate that, but only after more testing, have they decided he qualifies for special ed services. I have a meeting with his teachers and the special ed rep on Thursday to approve and implement his IEP. I do hope that this won't be another long process when he starts high school, but I am glad it is official.

We are waiting on the military Top Level School Selection list. If my husband is selected, he is hoping to get school at Quantico, which would make life a whole lot easier for him, at least for the year he's in school. He would hope to get a follow on job at Quantico, too, which could keep us here for at least another 3 years, after which he might consider retirement. It is the nature of the military that it seems like there is always a list we are waiting for - school, PCS orders, promotion, etc. Keeps things interesting!

Dyspraxia

My child could be the poster child for Dyspraxia. I don't say this as a joke, but with great relief! I had a follow up appointment with the neuropsychologist to discuss Timmy's testing results, and dyspraxia is the diagnosis. I went home and googled it, and can't believe someone else didn't see this sooner. Why didn't I? Maybe because I had never heard of it before, but with the number of symptoms that he has, the neuropsych said it was an easy diagnosis, even before the testing - since he had so much previous testing and his standardized school scores were consistent over the years. So here I am, relieved that we have an answer, and beating myself up just a bit because I feel like he could have, should have, gotten help much sooner than now. I emailed all his teachers yesterday and sent them links to read about the condition (which isn't as rare as you might think). I heard back from a couple of them, and they are supportive. I am as optimistic as I was when he was diagnosed with ADHD - finally.........answers to why my child is so different, and seems to have to work so much harder than the others. This is what I found, the most applicable to Timmy are highlighted:

Dyspraxia
What it is called matters far less to the child than does the understanding and help from those around him/her. Whatever it is called, Developmental Dyspraxia causes disruptions of major proportions in the lives of those whom it afflicts and of the families and world around them.

Definition
Developmental Dyspraxia (also known as Developmental Co-ordination Disorder, and the Clumsy Child Syndrome) is a neurologically based disorder of the processes involved in praxis or the planning of movement to achieve a predetermined idea or purpose, which may affect the acquisition of new skills and the execution of those already learned. More specifically, it is a disorder of praxis, or the process of ideation (forming an idea of using a known movement to achieve a planned purpose), motor planning (planning the action needed to achieve the idea), and execution (carrying out the planned movement). Dyspraxia may affect any or all areas of development - physical, intellectual, emotional, social, language, and sensory - and may impair the normal process of learning, thus is a learning difficulty. It is not a unitary disorder (like measles or chicken pox, where all those affected share a common set of symptoms), and affects each person in different ways at different ages and stages of development, and to different degrees. It is inconsistent, in that it may affect the child one day but not the next - as if sometimes information is 'put away in the wrong drawer' - and it may affect children in different ways at different ages and developmental stages.

It is a hidden handicap as, under normal circumstances, children with Dyspraxia may appear no different from their peers, until new skills are tried or known ones taken out of context, when difficulties may become apparent. In many affected children, Dyspraxia occurs with or as part of other neurological conditions ( in his case, ADHD and Sensory Integration Disorder) so that defining common symptoms may be confusing.
Moves Awkwardly
• constantly bumping into objects and falling
• associated mirror movements, hands flap when running or jumping
Poor Fine Motor Skills
• pencil grip
• use of scissors
• immature drawings
Laterality Still not Established
• problems crossing mid line
• children often referred to speech therapist
Sensitive to Sensory Stimulation
• high levels of noise
Limited Concentration
• tasks often left unfinished"


• • Poor posture and fatigue. Difficulty in standing for a long time as a result of weak muscle tone. Floppy, unstable round the joints. Some people with dyspraxia may have flat feet
• • Poor integration of the two sides of the body. Difficulty with some sports involving jumping and cycling
• • Poor hand-eye co-ordination. Difficulty with team sports especially those which involve catching a ball and batting. Difficulties with driving a car (my chauffeur days are far from over)
• • Lack of rhythm when dancing, doing aerobics
• • Clumsy gait and movement. Difficulty changing direction, stopping and starting actions
• • Exaggerated 'accessory movements' such as flapping arms when running
• • Tendency to fall, trip, bump into things and people
• Fine motor co-ordination skills (small movements):
• • Lack of manual dexterity. Poor at two-handed tasks, causing problems with using cutlery, cleaning, cooking, ironing, craft work, playing musical instruments
• • Poor manipulative skills. Difficulty with typing, handwriting and drawing. May have a poor pen grip, press too hard when writing and have difficulty when writing along a line
• Inadequate grasp. Difficulty using tools and domestic implements, locks and keys
• Difficulty with dressing and grooming activities, such as putting on makeup, shaving, doing hair, fastening clothes and tying shoelaces
Poorly established hand dominance:
• May use either hand for different tasks at different times

Learning, thought and memory:
• Difficulty in planning and organizing thought
• Poor memory, especially short-term memory. May forget and lose things
• Unfocused and erratic. Can be messy and cluttered
• Poor sequencing causes problems with math, reading and spelling and writing reports at work
• Accuracy problems. Difficulty with copying sounds, writing, movements, proofreading
• Difficulty in following instructions, especially more than one at a time
• Difficulty with concentration. May be easily distracted
• May do only one thing at a time properly, though may try to do many things at once
• Slow to finish a task. May daydream and wander about aimlessly
Emotion and behavior:
• Difficulty in listening to people, especially in large groups. Can be tactless, interrupt frequently. Problems with team work
• Slow to adapt to new or unpredictable situations. Sometimes avoids them altogether
• Impulsive. Tendency to be easily frustrated, wanting immediate gratification
• Tendency to be erratic have 'good and bad days'
• Tendency to opt out of things that are too difficult
Emotions as a result of difficulties experienced:
• Tend to get stressed, depressed and anxious easily
• May have difficulty sleeping
• Prone to low self-esteem, emotional outbursts, phobias, fears, obsessions, compulsions and addictive behavior

"The frustration of having the answers in your head but not being able to get them down on paper must be enormous, but for most children all that is needed is an understanding of the problem and extra time in exams, perhaps the assistance of a reader or the use of a computer. Without those, they are at a huge disadvantage."

Side note: Spell check doesn't recognize the word "dyspraxia". There is currently more information and support in the UK - It is my hope that this condition will become better known so that the other "Timmy's" out there can get the help they need, and not have to wait as long as he has for someone to understand.

A Tale of Two Brothers

Mick is taking dance classes once a week. I spent almost 30 minutes in the aisle of the local grocery store last Thursday night, listening to his dance teacher sing his praises. Sunday afternoon, as I was getting my hair cut, his school speech therapist
approached me, and told me about the most recent lesson they had, and about how much he is learning, and how well he is doing. We saw this same teacher one summer Sunday at mass, and she picked him up and gushed over him with tears in her eyes. She later confided to me that at that time, she wasn’t sure if she was going to be reassigned to a different school this year, and that she missed him already! It amazes me to see him at school. He walks down the hallways like he’s the mayor, waving to everyone, and EVERYONE knows who he is! In fact, he gets off the bus from school most days, completely full of himself. I admire his confidence, and he is so darn cute. I will say that the bus monitor was not so charmed this afternoon when he grinned, rubbed his hands together, and then smacked her on the butt. I am hoping that will be an isolated incident.

I just finished dropping Timmy off at school after a second visit to a neuro-psychologist in Springfield, who Timmy's psychiatrist recommended evaluate Timmy. This Dr has concluded that Timmy definitely meets the criteria for development and supplementation of an Individualized Education Plan. He said that not receiving accommodations could be the difference in 300 points when he takes his SATs in HS, and that he clearly is struggling, especially in math and written expression. After multitudes and years’ worth of testing by his schools and various professionals, I am hopeful that he will FINALLY get the help he needs. It just frustrates the heck out of me that it has taken this long for someone to realize that he needs help. He truly does not like school, and while his attitude is better this year than it was last year (before the Zoloft), school is still a huge struggle for him. If I don’t look up his homework and practically stand over him as he does it, it just does not get done. Or it gets lost. Or he forgets the assignment. When he has a project to do, I have to set aside a big chunk of time to help him with it. He’s content doing the very bare minimum to get by. And less. I worry that I am enabling him with all this oversight, but I also know that failing his classes will only make him hate school all the more. And the truth is, I still don't know what his "best" is.


So here I have a child with a visible disability – Down Syndrome. He is loved by all and given the help he needs at school without question. He is accepted exactly the way he is – and guided with love and patience. He is constantly being encouraged to fulfill his potential, and he is HAPPY! Then I have a son who looks like most other 13 year old boys. He has no visible disabilities, and very little self-confidence. School is not a happy place for him – he has trouble making friends, and his teachers have historically been unable to understand “what’s wrong” with him, attributing his poor work to laziness, disinterest, or lack of self discipline. He’s been tested for learning disabilities since he was 8. The results have been consistent, but nothing until now that could be labeled as severe or enough to qualify him for special ed. And so, he has spent so much time worrying about school, and trying to keep up, and wondering why he isn’t “as smart as everyone else”. So much time wasted. Tomorrow, I have an appt with the neuro-psych doc to discuss his findings.

Sometimes I think it’s easier if your disability shows on the outside. Maybe it has to do with expectations, or perceived aptitude. I don’t know. But I have often thought if I could give Timmy ½ of Mick’s extra 21st chromosome, things might be better for him.

A thought......

I think far worse than the inability to handle the truth, is the inability to recognize the truth.

To New Orleans

My husband and oldest daughter are on their way to New Orleans, where she will be working for Habitat for Humanity. She has been home for just a little under one month, since graduating from her year with Americorps NCCC. Her new job will be for 10-12 months, and she will earn an additional education award, finishing with almost $10,000. for college. We are so proud of her! Mostly because she is taking the initiative, the "road less traveled" and doing something good for others. It is demanding work, the pay is minimal, but those things don't matter much when you are 19 and idealistic! She is getting a clearer idea of what she wants to pursue afterwards, and it is all good.

When we were discussing her trip to her new job, my husband and I agreed that one of us should accompany her down there. We bought her a used car, and she is still a relatively new driver, and it is 17 hours away. I loved the idea of driving with her, and having that time alone with just her (a rarity in a big family!). She has matured so much this year, and it is exciting to hear about her adventures, and to have some insight into how she views the world. It is still hard to believe that she is on her own. Wasn't she just a curly headed 2 year old who knew all the "Bob" jokes? When my husband was able to coordinate his schedule so that he would have the next two days off, he said that he would be the one driving with her. When I told Katie this, she said, "Why doesn't he stay home with the kids so you can come? Just tell him you want to come!" I explained to her that he is the better choice in case there was a problem with the car, and that she'd be safer with him, too. I also knew that he would be out of his mind worrying about our safety if he was staying at home. She told me that nothing would happen to us, and that I should just "Tell him not to worry." I was flattered that she wanted me to accompany her, especially since she has a better relationship with him than she does with me, but I told her that he knows what is best, and that in a marriage, sometimes you have to concede to your spouse, even if you don't necessarily agree. She said something to the effect of, " That won't happen in any marriage I'm in!" Which made me laugh.

One of the things that I love best about my husband is that he puts his family first. And he takes care of his girls (including me). I don't mean to imply that we can't take care of ourselves, or that we are weak helpless females. Just that he feels and acts on his responsibilty to be the head of the house, the protector and defender of his family. So much like my dad was that way. I have known him for 25 years now. He is the most honorable man I know. I have never questioned his devotion to me or our marriage or our family. And when you have that, it's no big sacrifice to let your spouse take the lead, or have the last word. Trying to explain that to a 19 year old is challenging. My hope is that one day, she and my other girls will find men who are even 1/2 as devoted as their dad is to me, and to us. If they are that lucky, they will be happy!

Just DON'T Do It!

I have teenagers. Two boys and two girls. I try to keep a regular, open dialog with them about delicate matters. Most of the time, they don't say much, and I talk on and on and on. I am pretty sure what they hear is "Sex.......blah blah blah blah blah." It is my hope that some of the words I say are being filed away in the back of their minds for future reference. We live in a society which promotes promiscuity, and it is hard to have the TV on without dozens of sexual references thrown at you during the course of a single "family" show. Commercials are no better. I sometimes laugh when I imagine what my father's reaction would be to all the viagra type commercials that are on, if he were still alive. No one is shocked by any of this anymore! I know why my friends don't have cable! I would cancel our cable this minute if I could get my husband to agree. And it isn't so much that I want to shelter my kids from the real world, I just don't want them to grow up accepting the world's view of sexuality. And when it's shoved in your face at every opportunity, it is hard to ignore.

The way I try to explain it to my kids is that sexuality is all a huge part of God's grand plan. Those who don't believe in God would surely disagree, but to me, it could not be more obvious. When sex is saved for a marital relationship, it is a wonderful, beautiful, grace-giving act. There is a reason that we are supposed to "save ourselves" for marriage. It is the greatest gift you can give to someone else, an intimacy that there is no substitute for. When you take God out of the picture, often times, sex is just recreation and exercise. It is so easy to feel used and abused by someone who is just looking to score. So much heartache and ugliness can come from sex outside of marriage. Sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy are not the least of them. I tell my kids that every child deserves to have a mother and father who are committed to him, and committed to each other. Today, with probably more than 50% of children being born out of wedlock, that committment is not present. Then there are single parents, who may or may not be able to support a child. It is always the child who suffers.

I say this like I have all the answers. I surely do not! It is not enough to tell your kids, "Don't have sex!" They need to be watched like hawks! And not given the opportunity to be in a position where they might lose control. Group dating is always a good idea! And so is open dialog. So is knowing your kids friends and making them feel comfortable in your home, so they will want to be there instead of off in a car somewhere. And, I personally hate the mindset that "They are going to do it anyhow, so you need to provide them with birth control." As Catholics, we believe that birth control is another way of keeping God out of sex - preventing the life that might result from an act designed by Him to create life. If you are married, presumably you are committed to one another, and should be committed to any gifts that come from the love you share with your spouse. Again, I know there are those who will disagree. I also know I am fortunate to have a husband who shares my views. We are certainly swimming against the tide on this one! I have many moments when I think it would be easier to swim with the tide. But, then I wouldn't be so richly blessed. I am not so naive to think that my own children will not struggle with these issues. I hope that when they do, they will remember some of the things I've tried to share with them. A phrase I have said to each of them more than once is "I will help you up when you fall, but I will not hold your hand when you jump." I won't tell them to do or not to do one thing, but then support them if they choose to do it anyhow. And, I will pray for them to always have the wisdom to choose wisely, and for me to guide them with love.

Just Do It!

Three little words. Just Do It. I have so many ideas running around inside my head for things I would like to acomplish personally, and projects around the house. None of these things are unattainable, but I realized that one of my problems is that I feel if I can't do something perfectly, I am much less likely to attempt it at all. Oh, I'll buy the supplies and read the instructions, or I'll read the magazines, watch the videos and buy the cute workout clothes, but when it comes down to actually taking steps towards a goal, I hesitate, or I stall out halfway through. Which is frustrating, (more so for those who live with me, I'm sure) but I have no one to blame but myself! I decorated the little boys' room last year, and am pleased with the results. At the same time, I bought supplies and hatched a plan for Megan and Colleen's room : a garden/treehouse theme. The other day, my neighbor dropped off a dresser which she got from someone who was moving. It had already been stripped of paint, but the owner abandoned the project, and just wanted the dresser gone. It was the perfect size to replace Colleen's dresser, so I decided to make it a project for Colleen and me to do together. It was fun! We covered the picnic table on the deck with old sheets, and set to work. I bought a sheet of plywood to fit the back of the dresser, and new knobs. Colleen helped to nail the back on, and we painted it together. Part of me really didn't want her to paint, since she's a novice, and she has a tendency to overload her brush and slap it on. But when I saw how much fun she was having, I realized that it is her dresser, and it didn't matter if it wasn't perfect. And, I am not a perfect painter either! We'll pressure wash the extra paint of the deck later..........the important thing was, we were making progress towards the girls' room, finally! And we were having fun doing something together. It was kind of a lightbulb moment for me. FLYLADY says, "Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family". This can apply to so many areas of my life. I am using this revelation to tackle some things I've been putting off or haven't finished yet. Yes, the trim around the door would look best if the paint was stripped and sanded first, but it will still look better with another coat of paint. Will anyone besides me notice that it isn't perfectly smooth? Will anyone care? On a personal note, I cannot run a mile, but I can walk 2 miles in 20 minutes. So I am headed to the track with the kids, bearing in mind that exercise can be fun, family time, and everything I do from this point on is progress! Perfection is over-rated and maybe impossible, but progress is satisfying!

Reunion!

I just got an invite to my 25 year high school reunion. In October. 4 months to get into shape. Can I do it? I think I can!

Mistaken identity

Do you think we could keep the container of fish bait in a different location than the tub of margerine? I'm just asking.......

Makeup....with a PS

I got a call a little while ago from my neighbor across the back (the one who "enjoys" the noise my children make in the yard). She sells Mary Kay. She announced this at the luncheon, and I did mention at that time that I could certainly use some help in the makeup department. She called me and asked what my favorite MaryKay product is. I don't have a favorite, I haven't bought a lot of MaryKay (sorry Meredith!). She told me that if I could get 4 ladies (she specified "over 18" I suppose so that I wouldn't bring my four daughters at home who would most definitely not be paying customers) to come to her house Friday evening, I would get $50 in free products. So, I emailed my friends who live locally, not really expecting any of them to come at such short notice. I am not a salesperson. I tend to invite people to this sort of thing wanting to say, "Please come, if you have absolutely nothing better to do like wash your hair or vacuum". I always cringe a little when asked to host a show because I feel like it is implied that if you come you must make a purchase - and I don't like to ask my friends to spend money just so I can get something free or at a discount. I don't care what anyone says, isn't that the "right" thing to do? I know I always make a purchase - in fact I seem to always find at least a few things I "can't live without". And, I do enjoy going to home parties - I like hanging out with the ladies, sampling products, and there are definitely some products or lines that sell themselves. I am just not sure that Mary Kay is one of them - do they have a product that will take 10 years off my face? For under $5? Probably not. Is their mascara or blush, or eye makeup any better than what you can get at the Maybelline section in Walmart? I do need advice (coaching) in the application of makeup, and what colors work, and what don't. The bloom is definitely off the rose and if it comes in a bottle or a color pallette that will make the most of what I have, I suppose it's worth it. Just don't ask me to sell it to someone else!
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My friend says it best here, summing up a conversation she had with a friend who was trying to get her to start her own home-based business: "why are we always so reluctant to do direct marketing when we really believe in the product?"... I replied, " because we have all been at a tupperware, MK, Avon, basketpeople .... fill in the blank party and thought "what's the least I can spend on something I don't really want or need to support my friends goal without looking too cheap?" I, for one, don't want to put my friends in that awkward position ... it doesn't matter how many times you announce, "no pressure" with a smile. There is pressure."

I don't mean to imply that there aren't profitable businesses out there. Or good products to buy! Or wonderful salespeople who truly believe in their products! Only that when you are trying to live within a budget, you can't say yes to everything! And, that I am glad that I for one, don't have to make my living in sales........I am not good at it.

What to do?

Tim and I are scheduled to do a phone interview tomorrow with a broadcaster who has a Catholic radio talk show. He's based in North Dakota, I think. I am sure his listening audience is more or less local. I am trying to figure out how to pull this off (it's an hour long broadcast) without interruptions from the kids. Or background noise. Short of sending them all away or knocking them all out, I don't have a solution yet. Of course, having a large family is living proof of our dedication to our Catholic faith, and if I could get them to pray, sing hymns or do a Gregorian chant in the background, instead of fight, yell, or talk over each other, that would be preferable. Don't think that's going to happen. Might have to break out the duct tape. Or rent a good movie that will enthrall them all for an hour.

Lunch Bunch

I just returned from a gathering of neighborhood ladies for a potluck lunch at a house a couple of blocks from here. This lady put postcards on everyone's doors at the beginning of last week, advertising the lunch bunch as a way to get to know the neighbors better. To be honest, my first thought was, among other reasons, "We bought a house in town this time instead of moving into base housing so that we would have a little space between us and our neighbors." The fishbowl living had lost some of its appeal, the housing market was ripe, and we are getting close to retirement (maybe). But, I like the relative privacy we have here, and the big yard (despite the continuous massive cleanup of leaves) is a bonus. I know my immediate neighbors, and I am fine with that! So anyhow, as I was fixing a plate for Kiley in the kitchen, I overheard one lady saying, "this family moved in right behind us last summer. They have a lot of kids, I think, and they have a pool, and a trampoline...." At this point, I was holding my breath! She finished by saying, "It's so nice to hear childrens' voices (her kids are all grown), and they always sound like they are having so much fun!" I was glad I didn't have to duck and make a hasty retreat, as I surely would have if she had said something negative. I introduced myself, told her how many kids we have, apologized for the noise (which she insisted does not bother her), and got to know her a little bit. It was actually a very enjoyable luncheon. The dynamics of the neighborhood are varied and interesting. Since I have so much time on my hands (!) I mentioned that I have a little experience with newsletter writing, and said I would be willing to do a quarterly "e-newsletter" in which the neighbors could advertise their businesses, share recipes, tree and yard care tips, etc. The nice thing about there not being a Home Owner's Association in this neighborhood is that there aren't any rules about what could or could not be in the newsletter. I think it would be a great way to keep things local (and good advertising for babysitters, lawn care, etc.) And there would be no cost to publish it, since it would be transmitted via email, with the option for people to print it out if they wanted to. We shall see!

Shane's spelling homework...

Shane is in first grade. This is his homework tonight:

Write each word on an index card or slip of paper. Have a a parent hide your words in a room of your house. Turn off the lights in this room so it looks like night. Now find your words using a flashlight. Spell to a parent when you find and use the word in a sentence out loud.

Now, this teacher has no children of her own. Once upon a time, I would have found this assignment to be delightful and imaginative. I'd have been impressed by her ingenuity. Today, this means I have to 1) find a flashlight that works, 2) hide these words and hope the younger kids won't find them before Shane does,(because you know they will eat them or put them somewhere else) 3) find a way to fit this in after Timmy's appointment in Fredericksburg tonight, because no room in my house is dark, even with the shades pulled, before nightfall. Except the big boys' room, and he'd never find them in there!!!!!!!

Monday morning

It is Monday. I went to bed last night trying to figure out how to manage Megan's award ceremony at 9:15, Timmy's therapy appt at 1:00, Colleen's award ceremony at 1:15, Jack's pickup at 3:10, and Molly's orthodontist appt at 3:30, somehow getting back home to meet Mick's bus at 4:00. There is a bus policy that special needs kids cannot be left with anyone under the age of 18, which means that Jack or Molly, even though they are old enough to babysit him, cannot get him off the bus. This is not a new policy, apparently, but they are now cracking down so if I am not here to get him off the bus, they will drive him back to the school. I have a neighbor who can get him off the bus, but she isn't always home at 4:00. Anyhow, in the middle of the night, Colleen threw up. And Mick was up most of the night coughing. This morning Kiley woke up cranky but Colleen woke up feeling fine, and insisted she was well enough to go to school, saying she did not want to miss the award ceremony. I knew I had to keep Mick home because he was still coughing a lot. At least this eliminates the afternoon bus issue. There is a fine mist of pollen covering everything outside, and I knew that was causing Mick's asthma problem, and that it was also likely causing Kiley's runny nose and crankiness. And my itchy eyes and stuffy nose (this is important, remember, my sense of smell is not up to par). So, I gave them both Zyrtec, hoping that they would nap early so I could somehow manage to fit in everything that needed to be done (including the extra laundry from Colleen's episode). As we were leaving for Megan's ceremony, Shane's teacher called and said he is receiving two awards this afternoon - star student and most improved. His ceremony is at 2:30. We got to Megan's ceremony. I did a diaper/pull-up check in the parking lot. Mick is mid-potty training. He was fine when I checked his pull-up. We got there a little late, and missed Megan's class presentations. Darn it. We stayed so she would know we were there, and so I could at least take a picture of her with her award certificate. We sat in the chairs, and Mick coughed and coughed. Every time I patted his back, he pushed my hand away and patted it himself. I spent a lot of time helping him to blow his nose, and wiping his face. I had one wipe with me. We got up to throw it away, and Mick spotted where Megan was sitting. Before I could stop him, he ran over to her and plopped himself on her lap. She looked happy to have him there. Her friends were looking at him and smiling. At least, that's how it appeared to me. After about 5 minutes, he came back to where Kiley and I were standing and he indicated to me that he had to go potty. I rushed him to the bathroom - the closest one was the adult staff handicap accessible bathroom. He decided he wanted to use the urinal, which was drinking-fountain height. I pulled down his pants and hoisted him up, resting him on my knee so so that he could reach. Nothing was happening, so I sat him down on the potty, where he pooped! I was thrilled! Until I noticed the streak on my pant leg. The big streak. On my pant leg. I was glad I chose the black pants, not the white ones this morning! I cleaned my pants, and Mick up as best I could, while trying to keep Kiley's hands out of the urinal and the toilet. It was exhausting. When we got back to the gym, the ceremony was almost over, thank goodness. I told Megan to ask her teacher if I could take a picture of Megan outside by the tulips. While we were doing this, Megan told me that Kiley was stinky, too. I said, "What do you mean, too?" She said that Mick was poopy while he was sitting on her lap and all her friends smelled him. Delightful. God bless her, she didn't throw him off her lap or act at the time like this was bothering her. So, we took some pictures, came home, I gave Kiley and Mick lunch, Mick a nebulizer treatment, and they are both hopefully falling into a deep slumber. I cancelled Timmy's therapy appt (still doing well on the Zoloft!), so that we can still make it to Colleen's award ceremony. You know I can't go to one without attending all of them! My pants should be out of the dryer by then...........